Une fille comme moi

Moved!

2010-01-31T12:20:00.000+08:00

Hi guys,

please find me here: http://agirlofmay.tumblr.com/

M1 Singapore Fringe Festival 2010: Art & the Law

2009-12-20T01:35:00.003+08:00

Can't believe I've never heard of this fringe festival before. And it's already been ongoing for quite a few years. I want to get to this one next year! I already spot some really cool theatre and dance works happening here: www.singaporefringe.com

Now for the million dollar question:

Q: Art and the Law is the sixth edition of the M1 Singapore Fringe Festival - True or False?

A: True, bien sur.

I haven't been to esplanade for any musical or theatrical productions for so long...I used to go for concerts by the SSO a lot in Sec 3...almost once in 3 months. I don't think I've stepped inside esplanade's concert hall for more than a year now, and that's saddening. I need to refresh my artistic side. So...pretty please?

Goodbye

2009-12-20T00:01:00.003+08:00

Goodbye to personal freedom, goodbye to the feeling that time is all around, goodbye wilted flowers, goodbye old Sitong. Goodbye blog!

I am turning to the traditional way to diary writing, not because I don't like that other people can see what I think and feel, but more because of the motivation that diary writing gives me. In P6, I kept a diary too! So it's sort of like a "tradition" now that I get a diary for a big exam year. I believe it will keep me focused and bring me good luck :) Maybe I'll still pop down here to share some nice photos with you all from time to time, lookout for My New Year Resolution.

Looking back, this year I've been pretty slack really. I keep telling myself that I'm working really hard, but I think all I've been doing is staying up till early morning trying to memorize things that went into my brain and stayed for only one week tops. I think I had been so obsessed with the notion of working hard that I forgot what I was working for and how to work efficiently.

And then there was that stupid bastard problem that distracted me more than half a year. I swear, next year will be about studying and studying only. OMG I HOPE THIS WON'T BE AN EMPTY PROMISE.

These holidays haven't been exactly super busy, not like people who had BSP camps, extra classes, tons of CCA commitments etc. My week normally goes like this: 2x half day outings with friends, 1 day whole day slacking, the rest of the days doing work and reading newspapers. But it's not like I've been totally focusing on work either cos right now the only subject I've finished is GP, and math tut, some math revision topics, econs lecture series notes, SATSATSAT revision. I

did not even look at bio and chem yet ._.

It's not helping that apparently God decided it was appropriate for me to be shot by Cupid. I'm sorry, poor guy, either you wait me through till after A levels or you bribe me with good food and clothes and hope that I begin to like you. I'm sorry but I CANNOT afford to be distracted by guys now. They should be like, the last thing on my mind.

My Christmas Wishlist: [material things]

1. Fujifilm instax 7S polaroid cam

2. That topshop purple velvet dress! Still can't get over it.

3. Yummy buffet on Christmas night! (hope my mum brings me to a nice hotel)

4. Skinfood Aloe BB cream (getting it very soon!)

5. Accessories! Rings and more rings, baby! And some necklaces too.

6. Gorgeous nails that will last for 2 weeks (with my mum's permission to get them done in a salon of course :/)

7. Facials! Mum didn't renew her facial package for some time so I haven't been to one in a while ):

8. Clothes from F21, Zara or Topshop.

[Non-material things]

1. A 2100+ score for my SAT!

2. Self discipline (How pathetic is it that I wish for this every year but still can't do it)

3. Supportive friends + no family woes = HAPPINESS

4. A good prelims result!

5. A good A levels result!

What's yours?

how did it come to this

2009-10-18T02:47:00.004+08:00

I honestly don't know where to start. I don't understand why the relationship between me and my mum is like so strained right now. I have this feeling that if my mum was someone I met in school, we probably won't talk to each other cos our personalities just clash. I didn't mean to hurt her nor did I meant for it to come to this, the way she said we are - just arguing whenever we talk - bcos I treat her really bad. I don deny that the generation gap comes into play and sometimes I just get really cranky and don't talk to my parents nicely. I always get very irritated cos it's like I can't seem to have a proper conversation with them cos half of the time I'll need to repeat myself and/or explain to them what certain words mean or what's the thingy that's going on in school and the like. Maybe you can argue that the reason I need to explain is cos I don't talk to them often enough to understand but it's more of like cos they've never been through the Singapore education systems and know nuts about it and I just can't seem to find stuff to talk about to them unlike so many of my girlfriends.

So I'm venting it out all here by writing a letter to my mum (sorry if you can't bear this just skip it)

I have never meant for things to become this bad. I have never meant to hurt you. I don't know what to do. You know sometimes I just can't control how I feel or the things I say...and I'm...sorry. Really. You know actually I've started to plan for your bday even before promos. I thought about baking you a cake, I got my dad to sponsor me for the cake tin, I started browsing through dozens of baking websites looking for the perfect recipe, and I got down to buying the ingredients one week before your bday next Sunday. I really put thought into this whole affair and I thought I'm going to give you a good bday even despite all the mean things you said to me. Even though you scolded me like shit on my bday.

Do you know how tiring it is to live with you and your fiery temper since I was born? When I was small and when you screamed at me for the slightest things, I'll always end up crying the way I am now. And now it seems like both of us have the same shifty temper and so you tell me you'll rather die than be at my beck and call. You are not my maid. And that if I continue to treat you badly we can end up not talking to each other, I'll move out when I turn 18, and we can just carry on with each others' lives as though I was never your daughter. And oh, you tell me until I learn how to speak to you politely I can forget about getting my allowance or any other payment that needs to be made by you.

Well thank you, I am really speechless and helpless. Sometimes I am really so sick and drained by you. We just can't get along. I can't tell share with you the clothes I bought cos you hate shopping and don't like the way I dress. You don't like having your makeup or nails done. You scream as long as you think I'm being disrespectful to you. Do you really think raising voices will intimidate me and help to mitigate the situation or even make yourself feel better? Do you really think cutting my finances will change the way I feel?

Sometimes I really hate having to rely on you for money because I'd always feel like it's still not my money and so I can't spend it on whatever I please. Without financial freedom leaves me so vulnerable to having to obey almost everything you say. It's this idea of who ever is richer counts and since everything I have is financed by you, I should listen to everything you think is right or good for me, like eating fish for example.

I really don't know what to do anymore. Nor do I feel like having to further dicuss this with you 6 hours later. Please just leave me.

Freedom!

2009-10-11T01:16:00.006+08:00

Yesterday - or should I say the day before yesterday, since it's past 1.24AM now - was the end of promos finally! And it's funny, because this time after promos ended, I wasn't feeling as depressed as after blocks. Even though I may not necessarily do better in promos than blocks :/ You know after blocks even though I had like a post block party at wm's but then after the dinner I didn't talk to anyone much cept for Wayne cos I was moody. Gosh I haven't seen him in ages now. Or at least it seems so to me.

This time round, I can testify that I did put in effort, at least in math and chem and maybe econs. Screw bio D: But then for GP I didn't finish AQ, even though I had a good feeling about my essay. Econs: didn't finish case study and I think I missed out on impt points in my essay after comparing with addie. Chem: didn't finish the last question on rate, did the one on hydrogen-20 wrong, missed out on disproportion reaction in the front part, affecting the rest of the parts, and skipped two 3 marks questions that were completely doable. Oh and my definition of dynamic equilibrium is a confirm wrong, and so were the explanations relating to that question.

Math: I may just scrape an A if I get lucky, it was the only A I was really aiming for, so pleasepleasepleaseplease. Skipped like a bunch of qns that I wasn't sure of.

Bio: HAHAHAHA. Can someone just put 55 on my script and don't mark it? It was horrible.

So all in all, I DIDN'T FINISH DOING ANY SINGLE SUBJECT.

Now that I think of it, it does sound quite scary...because my target for overall was A B B B but now I'm only 50%-60% sure of getting it :/ Sigh. I hate getting back results. It's the worst thing on earth. That, right next to feeling fat and ugly.

Ok I shall not think about it anymore! Moving on, a list of all the fantastic fabulous plans I have for the holidays!

1. Lose 4-5 kg.

I'm approx 53kg, give or take a 1kg as weighed from my screwed up weighing scale. So I'm aiming to go for a 49kg, with a 1kg of buffer, should I ever fatten up again.

2. Buy a guitar and self learn!

Then I can finally play Nobody's Home and sing to it acoustically! Spotted cash converters selling a yamaha acoustic guitar at $89 :D Consulted wm and he said it's cheap but he hates yamaha. But it's alright, since I'm a beginner (:

3. Revamp my room!

Walls are too bare, cushions are thrown around too haphazardly and I need a writing table. Mmm I posted a photo of my room some time ago on my blog [here]. So the revamp will consist of mural painting (Le Tour d'Effiel, baby!), fairy lights or star shaped lights, painting my ceiling light the night and sticking glow in the dark stars on top, removing those two shelves that stick out and replace them with a fold out table with side lamp for my late night mugging habits.

4. Dye my hair?

HAHAHA this is only for fun, I don't really know whether I want to really dye it or not. If I eventually dye it, it's going to be chocolate brown. Yum.

5. Mug SATs! (needs no elaboration. I'll be memorising more than 1000+ new vocabulary like a PRC scholar.)

Anyway, after promos, me and Addie went to watch 500 days of summer and then shopped at bugis street. Or should I say I shopped, cos Addie didn't buy anything but I busted $69.50. Kudos to the impulsive shopper inside me!

Financial Damage Breakdown

$6.50 - movie

$7.90 - earcuff and a plasticheart clip [the ear cuff is worth every single penny, it's so freaking cool]

$12 manicure [yay for pretty nails! But I smudged it after I got it touching $200+ shoes at Aldo. Can't believe they take 2 hours to dry completely. After I got the mani at plaza sing, I realised that most of jurong point nail salons have express manis at $5-$6 ._.]

$10 lunch

$10 black quilted chain bag [love it to bits! It can even be carried like a bucket bag. No gold hardware? Doesn't matter, I'll be making a trip down to chinatown soon to get gold chains!]

$24.90 Asymmetrical knitted slouchy tank [wasn't unlike anything I've seen before, I love almost everything in that store! Especially their $29.90 vintage print dresses, which I'm too broke to afford all.]

$5.90 Satin ribbon hairband

Shopped till nearly 8pm, took mrt to jurong point to catch Inglorious Basterds, got home at 12am+.

Reviews of the two movies I watched!

500 days of summer

I love it right from the moment they started with the introduction of the girl blowing bubbles, her smile and the boy playing with water. And then Regina Spektor comes on and I knew this was going to be good. Yes, the OST is AWESOME. I just dled it, playing it over and over now.

What Summer said really made me think she's like a guy. We're young, we can just have fun, I don't need anybody to depend on, I just wanna keep it casual, nothing serious you know? And the part when Tom asked Summer what are we? And she said we're just friends. That part, is almost the same thing that I asked and got replied by him. Yes friends, friends don't just do the things we do. I always feel disgusted when I think about how he tried to get close to me, so certain parts of the movie really resonated with me. How he kept saying it was possible but yet not so at the same time, how I told him that it's not going to happen, but unwittingly exposed more and more of myself to him. Well, now I know. And to the next girl after me, please wake up soon.

But besides that, the movie was hilarious as well, but all in the right places. It makes you think about important things, like your belief in fate and "the one". I want to believe in fate and all that, but sometimes I feel like I don't have fate with fate, because if I did, it would've came knocking on my door now after 17 years of life.

Inglorious Basterds

Plot twists has never been made better than by Quentin Tarantino! The central theme is a plot twist that the German soldiers were terrorized by the Jews, Shoshana a Jew whose family was murdered by the Germans turned around and burnt all the Germans down, a German actress goes against her own country to plan a suicide bombing...and the last part, was just downright funny even with the gore. Really nice dark humour going on, not like anything I've seen before.

The only thing I didn't really like was Brad Pitt's weird accent.

Thanks for reading this far, my dears.

j'ai peur, mais je fais rien

2009-09-29T14:02:00.005+08:00

"I’ve been making a list of the things they don’t teach you at school. they don’t teach you how to love somebody. they don’t teach you how to be famous. they don’t teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. they don’t teach you how to walk away from someone you don’t love any longer. they don’t teach you how to move on when the one you love walks away from you. they don’t teach you how to know what’s going on in someone else’s mind. they don’t teach you what to say to someone who’s dying. they don’t teach you anything worth knowing."

- Neil Gaiman

I skipped school today just to finish my work, so ironic.
And I only did one chem 08 paper, revised energetics and read through a bit of bio. Pathetic as usual. Can't get my motivation to focus and really absorb D: It's so frustrating! grrrr.

I need to breathe think behave like a sponge from now on!

Side note: My oatmeal diet is a flop as well, ever since my mum forced me to eat normal meals last weekend, I think my fat cells immediately started to blow up. Extremely irritating how you spent two weeks trying to lose a tiny bit of weight and then it all hits you back in the face. After promos I'm going to swim three times a week, cut my snacks intake and not eat any rice/stuff with high carbs! I don't believe I can't lose 5 kg.

Please press fast forward

2009-09-26T00:23:00.005+08:00

La vie est comme une bol de fraises

Life is like a bowl of strawberries. It looks so sweet but it's actually really sour.

Been meaning to blog for the longest time now...ever since I went to watch Coco Avant Chanel on the 13th. Je trouvais le film tres tres bon (: Serieusement. I think everyone who can appreciate fashion, french culture, loves to think, appreciates good music should watch the film. Audrey

Tautou was magnifique as usual, she goes into character so well (je veux voir Les Fabuleux Destins D'Amelie Poulain encore!) And the music composed by Alexandre Desplat was breathtaking, go and youtube L'abandon, it's my favourite track, the first that appeared in the film. And as usual too, french films always make me think and leaves me with a feeling of satisfaction and the feeling that I've gained something, besides the fact that I get to practice my french.

With promos looming slightly more than one week away, I don't know what to feel. I'm terrified at the prospect of it, actually. I didn't revise anything for GP, didn't memorise any pet topics/vocab, only revised three pathetic topics for bio, my math is still left with differentiation, integration and vectors, econs left with NIA/NID/FP, chem left with energetics, kinetics and equilibria. I have no idea how I'm going to pull through promos, much less do well. And everyday I get home I just tell myself if you want to get a H3 and a MSG of <2,>

voice inside my head that keeps on saying just imagine the feeling of crushing disappointment when you worked hard for nothing.

And then because I don't get enough sleep, I get cranky to my family and then after that I'll feel guilty. My mum is constantly scolding me for dieting...when I only eat oatmeal for one meal a day and for only 2 weeks so far. (I've lost around 1.5kg? I'm not sure though, the weighing scale at home is screwed up like me.) Promos is ruining me, it's screwing me upside down.

I am so scared. I don't want to drown.

Jelly Hearts

2009-09-07T01:12:00.008+08:00

Mix the crumbles of my thoughts for you

Cos I'm thinking of you in all I do

Beat up a layer of cream cheese

Babe it's you that I miss.

You make me feel happy

You turn me into jelly

Crush me into powder

Boil me in water

For you I'll die hundred times and over;

All the juicy bits of berries,

Cut into hearts,

Each bit is just a little part

Of myself saying "Je t'aime."

Celebrated Addie's bday today...or rather, yesterday since it's past 12AM now already. Haha I'm really glad to see her so happy on her bday, I think she was really shocked to see all of us turn up at her doorstep! :D Special thanks to guenyikkk! For being so sweet to think up of the idea and call her mum and everything! Even Mr Liw turned up haha. I think outside of class, he is really just like another of us, because he loves computer gaming, chips and junk food, niaoing people and trying to matchmake people together. Oh man I really hopes he follows us up to next year!

Tomorrow is the official start of my september holidays...I must really really really work hard! WORK YOUR ASS OFF, GIRL. AND STOP THINKING SO MUCH OF STUPID IMMATERIAL THINGS! I'm becoming like one of those girls that are forever besotted with the idea of love, and that's bad. Laugh at me for all you want, Melly T_T

"It's all a matter of willpower."

And I wonder how many people read my blog, but just refuses to tag and show themselves!

What is this I'm feeling

2009-09-05T00:37:00.003+08:00

What is this I'm feeling

Not sleeping and thinking about you till 2 in the morning
Inching forward to embrace every minute detail of you.
Going over your face, your words, your smile...

Maybe this ain't love
Yes I think this is just another infatuation that will pass.
Maybe I'm not in love with you,
I'm in love with the concept of it.

Maybe I just need someone to hold me through my storms,
Tell me it's alright; I can sleep tight,
Love me and run his fingers through my hair.
Tell me I'm special I'm beautiful and every other incredible word that has never been used to describe me.
Hug me in the grass just looking at the stars,
Kiss me in the saltiness of the crashing waves,
Dry my tears, erase my fears ;
make me feel happy and warm and blissful like there's nothing else I would ever need.

Babe you must understand that everyone needs their fairytales.

Teacher's day shortened this tiring week by 2 days, I'm really grateful for it...Going back to nanyang on teacher's day made me realise how wonderful our Nanyang teachers were. Esp Ms van Dijk! She's still so happy and funny! Seeing her always make me laugh. Used to think that Nanyang was really stressful...but as compared to hwachong, it'll probably seem like a sanctuary. School's really getting very tiring nowadays, I'm struggling just to get by each day, and even that seems like an arduous task.

I'm going into full mugging mode soon for promos, I must psyche myself up for it D: ARGH. And I must stop thinking of meaningless things when I'm seating at my table studying.

Now that I've gotten past it all and sorted out my social mess, I've gotten onto another track. Stupid girl, you really need to control yourself! But I would really like to see him jump, even though it lasts for only 6 seconds, just like the other pretty things that frizzle away into nothingness ):

you break your neck to keep your chin up

2009-08-21T23:32:00.003+08:00

That's the chorus of a Copeland song. I'm so glad I discovered Copeland and Rachael Yamagata, they have got to be the best indie artistes ever. I swear I owe my life entirely to music.

These days are getting more and more tiring and repetitive and hard. My fuse is going to frizzle out anytime soon...you know at the start of every new year, I feel so recharged and energised, and for the first 3 months I put utmost effort in literally everything I do? But now at this period of time I just feel so tired of everything. My family, my relationship with him and my disgusting lack of self-discipline. Not good with a grotesque monster labelled "PROMOS" looming only less than 2 months away. Have wanted to blog on me and Addie's shopping trip to ION on national day eve, the 1kg giant cadbury milk chocolate bar my mum brought back from UK, my new itouch, the photos I took of berries...and so much more things I wanted to express but just didn't manage to.

I wonder how many people yearned to express themselves, to shout, to burnburnburn that blazing flame buried deep within their hearts...but they didn't. Because they were too busy with the stupid routine of their lives, afraid and scared, strange and unprepared to do whatever they want to do. I don't understand why we all need to waste away the prime time of our youths trapped everyday in schools, learning things that we'd probably all forget in the next 10 years. But right now all I care about is that two lecture tests next week, and subsequently promos. Because that is what matters, what everyone is working towards, what the society expects of you. But is that what you really expect of yourself? Do you really enjoy working yourself to bone for "a brighter future"?

Today, talking for an hour long with you again made me question myself again what you really mean to me. I can live without you in my life, but it's begining to feel kind of hollow without you around. Without your stupid crap to crack me up. Even though all my friends and even your friends have warned me against you and I myself know that it was reckless of me to expose myself to you. Even though I know that all good things are going to come to an end, I still went forth and did it. Why? After what you did, I thought I was going to think I HATE YOU, YOU'RE A BASTARD. I did, for less than a day. And then it went back to feeling hurt and stupid and lost.

I should've known, boys always break your hearts.

But maybe the journey was worth it.

ohnomakethisstop

2009-07-30T01:32:00.006+08:00

And here I go again.
And I fall. And fall.
And when I've hit the ground I try to find somewhere else to fall.
And I never let go.

There are these patterns I see in my life.

I've known about them for years.
I've just never done anything about them.
I've just never thought it would matter.
I've just recently discovered that they are consuming me.

Do you think it will ever stop?

I need to make it stop. I need to stop wasting time. Promos are only 9 weeks away.

I need to organise my life, every minute and second.

I need to have some motivation, an aim, a goal.

Something to keep me afloat in this mess.

I cannot afford to make anymore mistakes or screw ups.

Music I'm listening to to keep myself sane: Swim - Jack's Mannequin, Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap.

when the ice freezes over

2009-07-25T13:43:00.003+08:00

As requested, here's another photo of me when I was young. I'll be periodically posting more photos of myself (:

I was squinting in this photo, cos the winter sun was just too bright. This was me when I was 3, skating on the freezed over lake near my paternal grandparents' place. Behind me stands the tower for the local TV station...I still remember I sung karaoke there with my dad once in a checked green sundress during summer.

All the nostalgia is making me sad again.

This is how I feel right now. I don't remember sesame street, barney or hi5, wasn't a big fan of those. But I remember watching Noddy to improve my english every sunday morning.

je ne sais pas ce que faire

2009-07-22T21:17:00.006+08:00

These few days I've been running not on adrenaline but on stress and hormones. And it's making me so PMSy that it scares even myself. I guess it's because of a lot of factors that I've been bottling up inside me, and then on tuesday, after I got back another D for bio, everything just came crashing down on me. You have no idea how embarrassing it is to cry in front of a teacher in the staff room. How defeated I felt when I had to hide in the toilet to let myself loose. I just don't know what I should do right now...I don't how where I went wrong. I don't know what to do. I want to change things so badly but I can't. I need to find myself, find new motivation and move on...but I don't know how to get started. I'm like one of those old cars that need oiling and startups 10 times before I get roaring.

To make things worse, the haircut I got was horrible. I specifically told the stupid hairdresser to only TRIM my hair and layer it more thinly and yes, I got thinly layered hair but also EXTREMELY SHORT thinly layered hair. I fucking hate that hairdresser. And she nearly screwed my fringe as well, but thank god I can see the front and I stopped her in time. I am never EVER going to cut my hair at the hairdresser's again. I shall only visit salons next time.

And sometimes I wish that I haven't invested so much of my time and emotions into people...because in the end, everyone has the ability to hurt you...you just have to figure out who's worth the pain. And I really don't know whether you're worth the pain anymore. I wrote a "You" poem below.

"is it possible, finally, for one human being to achieve perfect understanding of another? we can invest enormous time and energy in serious efforts to know another person, but in the end, how close are we able to come to that person’s essence? we convince ourselves that we know the other person well, but do we really know anything important about anyone?”

— haruki murakami, the wind-up bird chronicle

You.

You are the phone calls at midnight.

You are my fairytale storybook.

You are my agony aunt.

You are the reflection in the puddles of water.

You are the shadow in my mind.

You are grass in the fields.

You are the laughter in the wind.

You are my secret.

You are my smile wrinkles.

You are not mine at all.

spiraling out of control

2009-07-17T22:26:00.011+08:00

When I was small, I wished I would grow up faster and I used to fantasize what would happen when I turn seventeen or eighteen. How fun my life would be. But now, I realised that as with everything goes, losing something will always make you treasure it more. And so I mourn for my fleeting childhood. I mourn for the lost innocence. And I mourn for my happiness.

Me, in Tian An Men Square

It all seems so surreal right now, all the things I had and the person I used to be.

Looking at things the way they are right now, nothing seems to be going on the right track. I can't see how this mess is going to sort itself out so that I can get a scholarship to US at the end of these two years in HC. I screwed up my blocks horribly...most disappointing because I studied but I didn't yield (as usual). Chem was the most disappointing I guess...but that was because I lost so many marks for essay qns. Bio won't turn out pretty either cos I already -15m because of one whole unattempted qn. And GP, I did ok for essay but bad for compre so I still got a C and math was the only one within my expectations. I don't expect much for econs either...OMFG. I probably won't get a single A and I think my chances of getting B's for bio and econs is quite low too.

I feel like crying.

Seeing how promos will be as hard or maybe even harder than blocks, I would probably need to score an A for promos in order to get an A for most subjects, which seems pretty impossible. And how can I take up a bloody H3 like this?! And no H3 pratically = at least having my chances halved for getting a scholarship??? Because I don't exactly have an overstuffed CCA record. Today hearing Mr Chan taking about all those awards and stuff just made me feel extremely stressed cos I know my current results won't get me anywhere. It made me more stressed knowing that promos is just two bloody months away, stuffed with tons of lecture tests/quizzes etc in between. I don't know how I can revise in these two months with so much crap going on.

And in the middle of all this, I am screwing up my sleep time and my hormones, getting a horrible breakout and feeling fat. I think I am officially in a mid life crisis. No, I mean pre-midlife crisis.

Oh no. I seriously don't know how I can make this right again. Somebody help me please...

Tmr I'll have PW speech training and then I can't make it for Qihao's bday celebration cos I'm going to a scholarship&uni fair at suntec with melly on sunday...which doesn't seem to have much of a point now.

L'imperfection est la cime

2009-07-08T11:00:00.003+08:00

Yves Bonnefoy

There was this:

you had to destroy, destroy, destroy.

There was this:

salvation is only found at such a price.

to ruin the naked face that rises in the marble,

to hammer at every beauty every form.

love perfection because it is the threshold

but deny it once known, once dead forget it,

imperfection is the summit.

Sometimes I wish I can stop caring about everything; my results, my parents, myself...and just die down and sleep for a hundred years. Wake up, then see what happens to the world. If it's bad, maybe I'll just morph myself into a body of water and wait for myself to be evaporated, then rain myself on those below, again and again. Perhaps that is even better than life, since life is not only routine, but contains so much more undesirable things.

Once upon a time...

2009-07-05T16:15:00.006+08:00

Elle est le plus mignone enfant que j'ai vu. Et elle a seulement quatre ans, et son français est meilleur que moi, et elle a les yeux de la taille des tasses. Littéralement.

Just thought I'll share with everyone this cute girl (: I swear she'll make your day. Her name matches her cute face! It's Capucine. Translation of the above text:

She is the cutest child I have ever seen. And she is only 4 years old and her french is better than me and she has eyes the size of saucers. Literally.

Trying to study at home but I just can't absorb anything. I wasted saturday away and sunday's now nearly wasted too. I just can't seem to get the words into my head or focus on my work ): THIS SUCKS. Going out with my mum to catch Duplicity @vivo later...tickets are so hard to get for that one, because it's full house every single night. I think it'll be good...will blog on it later.

where do i go from here?

2009-07-04T23:47:00.006+08:00

"When life throws shit at you, throw it back in handfuls and laugh at its face." What if I'm just too tired to throw back shit? Or too sick to make lemonade?

Even though blocks are now over already, I think in fact I feel sadder than I was before blocks. I know I will pretty much screw all the subjects for blocks, because for chem, I didn't manage to have time to finish the essay questions. For math, I literally anyhow did the questions because I just DONT KNOW HOW TO DO. And for bio, I thought I was going to get an A before I saw that I didn't complete ONE ENTIRE QUESTION worth 15 marks. It was such a slap in the face. I feel like it's nearly everytime that I try to put in effort and time real hard to work for something, I just fail to get it. Blocks is going to ruin everything. When my results come back, I'll probably get scolded by my parents...even if they don't scold me, I'll know what they will probably be thinking, because they just got the phone bill today. And apparently, I had more than 1320 mins worth of call time from 18 May to 19 June.

I was shocked by the amount of time I spend calling people too. So if everything falls apart, I have nobody and no other factors to blame but myself. As usual. It doesn't make things easier that my parents are arguing again...and that my dad is being a bastard. He is forever using the com to play weiqi and he'll just not talk to anyone and sit there for hours playing. He doesn't do housework, he doesn't help my mum with things, he doesn't want to talk...yeah basically he's just being a jerk. I'm sorry if you find it offensive to insult my own father, but that's the way it is.

I thought a get together dinner at wm's house will bring my moods up after blocks but apparently that was a flop. I just can't get over the fact that I'm so lousy. And although I really have to thank him for the dinner and all, cos whenever I'm there, I lose the sense of time...and that's a great feeling (: But talking to Wayne for several hours made me realise that I'm so mediocre and average...and I don't even have confidence in myself for the dream that I have; which is to get into Ivy League on a scholarship. It seems so unrealistic at this point. Scholarship+Ivy League are for those people with straight A's, great CCA record, fantastic portfolio overstuffed with CIP hours, leadership experiences, workshops and whatnot...for people like ch_l_ng, not me.

I am...just someone struggling to stay afloat in the choppy waves of life.

And I shall leave you with a quote -

"the saddest kind of sad is the sad that tries not to be sad. you know, when sad tries to bite its lip and not cry and smile and go, “no, I’m happy for you”? that’s when it’s really sad.”

— john mayer

Seems to me that I'm not really that sad yet...because my tear ducts just can't seem to release a stream of fluid that is enough for me to express the depth of my disappointment.

So much for nothing

2009-07-01T18:32:00.012+08:00

Taking chem block test has made me irritable and in a foul mood for the entire afternoon, right till now. Paper 1 was ok, but I screwed up paper 2. Why is it that everytime I put in effort for chem, I still screw things up in the end? I do not want to continue ranting about how badly I did, it would probably go on to be more than 500 words. I need to focus on not letting Mr Loo down now.

I don't understand myself. I can never get things done when I go home unless I slack for like 2hours. Which was what I did again today. Sometimes I find that I have quite pathetic self discipline and it always end up being the first but never realised wish on my list of new year resolutions. I wonder why I don't get sick of making it my first new year resolution already.

Rumi is now my saviour and my muse. I shall wallow my sorrows in the pretty clothes that she own, and oogle at her amazing styling. Below are some looks that I want to emulate. And I think PWP is catching up on her 2 months later, because they just released a Stolen Girlfriends' Club inspired mesh dress(last photo), which Rumi posted on fashiontoast during the month of April.

Extremely unorthodox AND super edgy. I wanna get it (it's $32) but I'm scared I don't have the guts to pull it off. Imagine the stares people will give me when I wear this and walk out onto the streets. I get stared at already when I wore highwaisteds last year together with a topshop high collared blue satin blouse [got it at a steal of $16]. And it's not even over the top. That's what I dislike about Singapore. GET SOME STYLE ALREADY PEOPLE! If not, learn to accept styles.

(photos credit to the lovely Rumi -fashiontoast.com and pandaswithpistols.blogspot.com)

when the choices you make dont turn out to be down the right path

2009-06-27T22:42:00.005+08:00

I feel like I'm going to screw up. Time pasts by and before I know it, everything that I promised myself to do is undone. Not like I'm going to earn truckloads of money if I get all A's this time round...but little things add up. And every little bit counts.

I just want to turn away from these thoughts in my head but they keep resurfacing every 20 minutes. And I don't know why your face keeps on popping up.

I'm not making sense.

I wanna be like Rumi [http://www.fashiontoast.com/] Don't know why I didn't discover the wonder of her in the past, even though I know that she's always been there. Her style is off the hook. I don't understand why people around me can't accept dressing with a proper sense of style. I look in my wardrobe and I can hardly seem to find anything that seems "plain" to me anymore. That's because I've been selling all my conventional clothes away and replacing them with more unconventional stuff that I've been picking up. I feel like taking photos of my outfits next time and steer my blog towards to being more of a fashion blog rather than just mindless musings.

I want to go here so badly...

My God. There will be VESPAS. This is even bigger than FLEAFLYFLOFUN. Damn.

Boo Blocks, Yay H1N1

2009-06-26T12:38:00.003+08:00

Preparing for block tests had me pulling my hair out and going into hysteria in front of all my friends. Well done. 2 hours and I only did 4 integration questions, with a lot of holes in between. HOW THE F*** AM I GOING TO PULL OFF MATH BT IN THAT KIND OF CONDITION?!

And right now, I still have not done a single thing to my EoM or GP revision and I think I forgot like 40% of the stuff I memorized for bio and my chem lies in pieces. Econs - i really don't know. Have to depend on luck to score points for that essay. This sucks. Blocks sucks. I suck D:

On a happier note, I'm going to have to fetch Qihao with his gang later this evening, and my reward for fetching him is going to be some $40-per-head buffet at this jap restaurant, which I insisted on changing the venue cos I can't possibly pay for it. But they insist that I go. So most likely I'll have to pay back using monthly installments. And...I'm only paying cos I want to, they don't even care about whether the money comes back or not.

Don't we all like finer things in life? But it's those things that defines the rich and the poor, it's that thin line between being rich and being willing to spend. Sometimes -esp when i go shopping- I wish that I'm rich and that I'm able to afford all those pretty stuff to make myself feel prettier. And then at moments like those, I'll pick up the stuff that I like and tell myself: this is what you are working for right now and then I'll put them back on the shelf. But at other times I think that it's really very pointless just to work your ass off to greater riches in the future. Sure, all that retail therapy and knowing that you can adorn yourself with better material things...but what is really the point in it all? So what?

Actually, all I ever wanted was just happiness. C'est tout. Il n'y a rien.

What is life but taking risks?

2009-06-20T20:24:00.003+08:00

I feel...speechless when I looked at the YAP exco and discovered that I didn't get the post of the secretary but it was instead left to another girl who didn't even run for it. And oh, more people voted for another girl (that I felt was responsible enough) that wasn't present at the actual elections but did a video. Oh well. Why is it that everytime I try to go for something like a leadership role, I get denied entry. But frankly, thinking about it doesn't make any difference now...it's just that I was expecting myself to get in because in the first place, the number of people who ran for exco wasn't that great.

But yes, what is life but taking risks? If I never did go for it, I would have never even had a chance so I'm just going to suck it up like a she-man :D

And my life is going great now so I'm not gonna let this little thing dishearten me. Revision's for bio is nearly done...I need to do more exercises on math and chem and then leave the last and final week for econs and GP ): I'm praying that more teens get infected with swine flu so that the holidays can be extended xD that's such an evil thought...but still...who doesn't pray that will happen? Man is selfish.

Last night I went to kbox with my gang of crazy guy friends again, had great fun going high and singing songs back to back and then I slept over at sj's house. Hm but now I face this problem of trust with my mum. I don't know what to tell her anymore...why can't she just let me go and trust that it's ok for me to spend time with guys? I hate lying to people's faces and it scares me that I can do it so well now. It's either I tell her the truth and she breaks her trust about me and stops me from sleeping over ever and controlling all my social activities in the future, or I lie about it forever. And I don't know what to choose.

BANG BANG; you shot me

2009-06-18T11:10:00.008+08:00

I think these few days I've been shopping way too much. Heh heh. Sorry mummy, I'm like spending your hard earned money away xD After the flea, I'm broke. So now I've been skipping lunch and saving whatever little bits I can. But I just found this super nice blogshop [http://loveandbravery.blogspot.com/] that has the nicest stuff and I feel like getting yet another 2-3 dresses from them ): (DANA ZIPPER TOGA DRESS, LYNN ZIPPER BUSTIER DRESS & ALICE CORAL SHIFT DRESS) And F21's having a sale too ;D Oh well, maybe at most I can sell the floral set I bought at the flea in exchange for it. And perhaps sell one of the stuff I bought from pandaswithpistols too.

Last Sunday, me and my mum just went out to Orchard to buy me my swimsuit, and I went out and bought two products from THE BODY SHOP that costed me $33.80 from my bank account. And my swimsuit was paid for by my mum, it's a navy blue Arena swimsuit that's really very fitting on me and it has a cutout big hole at the back. I really like it, just that the design looks like it's made for swimming pools and not for the beach.

AND on tues I went swimming! I think it was meant to be, because I found $9 in an old bag while rummaging in the storeroom for a bag that I need for swimming. You know, sometimes it's good to hide little bits of money around in your house and then forget about it so that you'll be delighted to pick up some extra cash when you need them :D I swam 700m. And I realised my stamina deproved greatly. I used to be able to do at least 6 laps without stopping, now I can only swim one lap at one go. Maybe it's because I put in a lot of energy into each lap because I try to swim the fastest I can...and at the end of today's swimming, my arms felt a bit like rubber. I really need to swim more and build up my arm's muscle mass, to get silver for stupid NAPFA when school reopens ):

And yesterday I went to wm's house again and we had Sukiyaki for dinner! I swear the guys love me cos I got my math notes that are like a bible and they claim that whenever I'm there they get to eat better food. Haha.

FLEAFLYFLOFUN

2009-06-14T15:44:00.004+08:00

Yesterday was a crazy day of shopping at the super huge flea market at F1 Pit Building! Totally worth it! I should really really go for fleas more often. You can find some ridiculously cheap stuff, like big tubes of Khiel's and even Bobbi Brown going for only $10+, $5-$10 clothes, BNWT branded clothes going for half their retail price and of course a lot a lot of blogshop clothes (:

I bought mainly dresses and skirts yesterday, cos I already had so many bottoms at home. So I got this [blogshop] floral set (a plain black tee and a floral skirt) at $27, a BNWT f21 shadow floral flare skirt at $24, a super pretty black dress with tiny floral prints at $24, a topshop cutout top at only $3, a vintage gold ring at $6 and a gold chain headband at $5. Yeah, you can tell that I have a really soft spot for florals. And me and addie each got the below POLAROID at $2. YAYYEEEE. It was such a fun time bargain hunting!

I didn't really go for the super duper cheap stuff cos mostly those were clothes that were worn before and weren't as pretty as the blogshop stuff that were going on sale. And the number of blogshops there were probably more than the number of personal clothes sellers. But I kind of regret getting the floral set, because I still kind of want a bandage skirt...maybe I'll consider selling the floral set online and getting my bandage skirt instead xD

But apart from the whole day of fun bargain hunting, I had HTHT again with Liyin at night. And she made realise that I should probably distance myself from some people so as not let myself get hurt. Because the more involved we get with people, the easier that they can break our hearts. And she said I had all the signs of her when she was walking down the alley towards an ugly ending...which really got me very worried. And now, because of everything I think (i think too much, yes) I got myself really confused and scared. And me being me, I went to seek the truth. HEH. 2 hours+ long worth of discussion, I only found half of it. Thanks, dear ._.

What should I do about us?

Life's a Beach

2009-06-12T23:58:00.014+08:00

I know I sent you this already, but here it is again. So don't complain, dear. I miss you. I nearly wanted to post a polaroid here too but HAHAHA.

Life has been going pretty good for me for this while...a bit too good that I'm afraid that everyting will just pop and disappear, the way happiness bubbles do. These few days, besides slacking at home and sometimes just wasting entire days away, I've been trying to work hard towards blocks. I still find that I'm more productive when I study in school, so I should probably move my lazy ass to school more often. I'm really scared of math BT and chem MCQ )):

Tomorrow I'll be going to a big flea organised by FLEAFLYFLOFUN with Addie. I hope it'll be really fun and I can finally get to legitimately spend $100 at one go on several clothes and find some really GOOD bargains! First time going to a flea :D

And next monday there'll be class outing, tuesday PW meeting in school and also mini trial tests on wed (which I don't really feel like attending xD) I hope I can finish all my econs and bio revision on time, considering that I haven't finished math integ, differentiation and binomial exercises yet. OMG. I better spend my time wisely AND STOP SLACKING!

This wednesday, I finally tried out the famous MUD PIE from Island Creamery and I have to say that it's pretty good! The chocolate ice cream layer was like SOOOOOOO chocolatey right from the first bite. It's pretty much the most original chocolate flavour I've tasted since they didn't put any chunks into the ice cream at all. But my favourite was probably the hard oreo

crust the ice cream was encrusted into, that was really good, paired with the oreo bits on the ice cream. A really good deal from just $4.80, just like all Island stuff :D

BK Hershey Sundae Pie

But I still prefer eating the super chocolatey and sinful HOT FUDGE CHOCOLATE BROWNIE ice cream from B&J's. I tried that once before and the gooey chocolate brownie chunks inside was just heaven paired with the ice cream. And I miss my Hershey's choc sundae pie too! I used to have that every now and then from Burger King's, it has the same oreo layer but just a tad too sweet, but other than that, the ice cream+whipped cream's extremely yummy. Totally value for money as well cos it was only $2+.

First batch of cupcakes - unglazed, left to cool just 5 mins after it's out from the oven

The finished product!

Speaking of which, I should probably bake soon again! I miss baking. The last time I baked was in May, during the Vesak Day weekend. I baked LEMON GLAZED CHEESECAKE for my family and friends and it was a great hit with both parties! I shall bake COFFEE CHOCOLATE CUPCAKES again this time. I miss chocolate cupcakes <3

I need to stop thinking and start doing

2009-06-04T23:28:00.004+08:00

I nearly decided to abandon this blog and move to lj! But when I weighed both of these online blogging sites, I hate lj for its hard css codes(albeit beautiful layouts) and also its irritating ads. If there were to be no ads, then I would need to change my account to a basic one and that would mean me only getting 6 userpics and I cannot upload my bloody photos on lj! How unfair is that. So I've come to revive my old blog :D

So many things happened in just one short month (my last post was in april) that everything just looks like a whirl. There are lot of things that I've done, a lot of things that people did to me, that I don't feel safe telling to people. Maybe I should lock up this blog with a password!
Looking back now, I think I've spent my time so far in HC to my maximum. I've made wonderful friends that love me as much as I love them, I gone out for many concerts and outings with my fantastic class, I've been told that I'm actually pretty (which still doesn't seem believable to me), I've celebrated my birthday with a cake and a song from my friends, I've spoilt guen's cam and still hear her tell me that it's ok, I've hugged a guy tightly and I've been the emcee for arts fest. It actually doesn't seem all that bad when you leave out the feeling of tireness during lectures, sleeping only 5 hours a day and feeling disgusted at myself for sleeping during school.
And that pathetic feeling of failure when I thought I've reached my brink.

I just sent qihao off to guangzhou in yesterday morning and I'm already experiencing post-qihao blues, damn it. That guy simply takes up too much of my time in my life, without even me noticing it. He's like always the first one I think of to disturb, cos 80% of the time he's slacking, anyway. And he's accountable for the $41+ phone bill that my parents received recently too. HEHH. (I need to change my bloody classic plan to the students one asap)

Things between my parents are hard now...again. I just CANNOT find anything to talk to them about...it's like even though we live under one roof, I feel like I'm a tenant cos half of the time I'm wishing that I can go sleep over at friends' houses or just get out with friends :/ what to do?

I just cannot connect with my mum anymore. When she talks to me, it's as though she's interrogating me and I hate that. Damn it why are my family dynamics forever so screwed.

why don't you just let me die

2009-04-20T20:14:00.003+08:00

I think I have gone back being emo and embracing my sad pathetic life that is full of shit and routine in which I find nothing but pain. Yes, life is painful for me. I feel like I can't breathe these days. I put in so much time and effort only to get back crap results. That just completely and totally demoralises me. I shadn't say anything about pointless studying, but I totally hate it when I studied and put in effort but got back shit. It's just like a big slap right in the face.

And now I just can't find any motivation to study. I feel like I'm doing it for nothing. Since I'll be getting back crap even if I work my ass off. As expected, I screwed up my econs lecture test last week, or was that last last week? Time pasts so fast till it all becomes blurry and similar. Yup anyway I screwed that up, as well as my econs ILP which constitutes quite a considerable amount of percentage as well. I look at my econs ILP result and compare it with other groups' and I get bile rising up my throat. And today's bio test was just a killer. All the time and sleep I lost trying to memorise the structural and storage saccharides, the haemoglobin and collagen structure and the various different functions and structures of cells organelles amounts to NOTHING because they weren't tested at all. Instead, they tested a lot on water potential, which I couldn't answer. And I already 7 marks because I didn't even DO those questions that I couldn't answer. Which is just fucking fantastic. Now I can add it to the list of tests that I've screwed up, which consist of econs lecture test, math class test and chem class test.

And today we made the decision to pull out of SAGE because we simply don't have time for it any more. And it's not like we'd get anything out from it because so far we didn't learn anything at all. Everything is just so screwed up. Even my period is screwed up. And I'm just so tired of it all.

I'm hanging on what's left of my sanity by listening to Adele. Her soulful voice makes me calm and she won a Grammy by singing the song below, she's like the next best thing besides Tim Tam and Sara Bareilles.

10 crazy things I wanna do in the next two years

2009-04-12T22:59:00.005+08:00

I'm supposed to be doing my fugly math now but I can't get anything right so here goes:

1. Go backpacking with friends to somewhere nice and far.

2. Ride a motorbike with a guy wearing a dress! xD

3. Camp out at a friend's house for 1 week

4. See a movie marathon for 10 hours (while trying to stay awake)

5. Attend Zouk's year end countdown party at Siloso Beach

6. Wear outrageous outfits and walk down Orchard Road like a model

7. Get drunk (even though I hate hate hate alcohol)

8. Sleep at the rooftop of a HDB flat with friend(s) (I don't even know whether this is possible)

9. Go bungee jumping!

10. Go out just to chill or do crazy things with only one guy friend (any volunteers?)

That's all I can think of right now.

And I've wasted my Good Friday long weekend away stuck at home doing nothing much all day cept to go out and eat St Louis Pork Ribs again at Cafe Cartel with my mum. Besides that, I've got no life ):

I want to be a guy some times so that my parents won't be so strict on me and let me run round crazy outside till midnight. And I wanna camp over at friends' houses or always go crash their houses for no reason. And I wanna act like I don't care about anything in the world cos guys won't have any stupid girl issues to take care of.

Sigh. I wish.

Anxiety kills the cat ;

2009-04-04T14:48:00.003+08:00

3:05PM.

Haven't eaten my lunch yet.

It just rained.

Mum's out before I even woke up.

Alone.Athome.Mugging.

So far I've only finished math. wtshit.

What a life.

Overwhelming ;

2009-04-01T20:33:00.003+08:00

There are so many many things going on lately I really don't know what to do and how to go about doing them. I didn't get selected to go for the europe trip during june. I didn't get into Interact Exco shortlisted applicants after yesterday's interview. The results were announced today after yesterday. Actually I was expecting it because after the interview, I had this gut feeling that I was not going to get in. It's easy to tell when your interviewers like you and have a positive feeling about you. At the interact interview, i just felt like i screwed the whole thing up and the exco was skeptical about what I was saying. It didn't make it any better that the pres was chao lian to everyone who was being interviewed. Now I really really hope I can be able to make it to fac com (though I think the chances of it is quite low since only one person can get through, out of 7 other people that are running for it).

Applying for things and not getting through still makes me feel bad. I know that I cannot always get what I want but it's just disappointing sometimes to find out that you were not good enough for something. And I just feel like applying for a lot of things, but a small voice in my heart is telling me that I'll end up with nothing because I'm lousy. Now I know everything adds up and accumulates. If you're not in some leadership position in nanyang, people kind of look down on you and think that you're not as good as those that are in some leadership position back in nanyang. I regret not being more enthusiastic about such things back in Sec 2. But the good thing is, I'm just glad that I've secured YAP and got selected out of so many others. And I've also been picked for a teacher to be the host for Arts Fest and now I'll have to prepare for it. I had reservations about taking it up at first but now I think I should do this kind of thing just once in my many years of schooling...

And academically, I also have so much work to do. Next week, I have math assignment test, chem class test 3 and econs lecture test. It doesn't help that I still don't really know how to write an econs essay...I've tried scheduling consult with my econs tutor but her schedule just clashes too much with mine that it's quite hopeless. I still have PI and Econs ILP due by next week as well. And this week, I have been and will be going home late for every day except for monday. But at least I have YAP carwash to look forward to tomorrow, I think it'll be fun!

I must learn to be my own cheerleader now and look at the big picture and work towards it. GO SITONG. GO SITONG AND HER FRIENDS!

(I can't say how much I love you guys ♥)

Comme ca, c'est bien

2009-03-25T23:29:00.006+08:00

These days seem to be getting better (: Ever since I sent off my grandparents, me and my mum are having lesser fights and I'm so glad that I finally have my room back to myself again, now I feel like I can finally breathe. And it also feels good that when I get home, that won't be anyone making noises or walking past my room and trying to see what I'm doing. Ahhh, peace. I feel bad that I wasn't exactly very nice to my grandparents while they were here, but seriously, I really am not used to having them here. It annoys me sometimes :/ and when I get annoyed, I say insensitive things and then me and my mum will have a fight.

Last friday I went out to shop with Melly at Orchard again and we each bought a pair of C&K heels! Gosh I'm loving C&K now, their designs just keeps getting better! I bought a pair of beautiful cutout 3 inch wedges that don't bite my feet. Yes I know it's quite high but I don't care. There's no rule saying tallies can't wear heels :D In fact, we should all the more show off our long legs hahahaha. Then on sat, I went to the 90TH ANNIVERSARY GALA DINNER foc, courtesy of Qihao and his friends. I thought I wouldn't get through the night there at their table, but turned out I did and it was quite ok (:

Today's such a nice day because it's founder's day holiday! I went back school to mug with addie, had lunch with addie and qihao and then me and addie went out to orchard. Wanted to buy this nice cream lace tank from f21 that i saw with Melly on fri but THEY TOOK IT DOWN D: Wth so freaking fast. Then I went back to Zara to try on that pair of lovely $99 gray skinnies that I saw with Melly too and decided that I can use that $99 on other clothes. But it's really gorgeous D: I really wish I'm rich some times.

And me and Addie treated ourselves to Bakerzin deluxe cafe desserts! The cookies and cream cheescake was really rich and delicious but I find the macarons a bit too sweet. Especially the shell! First time that I'm eating macarons but I don't think Bakerzin's ones are good. Plus, they costed $1.50 EACH.

They do look gorgeous sitting here though...

Ladeedumdeela and that's the way it goes

2009-03-19T11:54:00.003+08:00

I haven't been blogging for so long, I think I should revive my blog now. There were a lot of things going through my mind lately and I wanted to vent them out...and I did, by talking late into the night to someone.

From last week since I saw Utt, I fell sick with a fever, skipped school on monday cos I wasn't feeling well, missed the math test I've been mugging so hard for, got to school on tuesday even though I still had one more day worth of MC, took chem and bio test, was one of the 5 people in my class that passed the chem test even though I only got a pathetic mark of 6/10, felt claustrophobic at home as though I couldn't breathe, was sick of the way my parents were handling things and felt like everything was going to crumble while I was coughing my insides out.

I hope I've made good use of my holidays. I think I ought to be proud of myself and my friends are all calling me a mugger now...How do I put it? I'm not smart, but I wanna go to Ivy League. With my brains, I better put in more effort than the average person in HC. But my parents seem to think likewise, esp my mum. Everytime that she opens her mouth, it's either to tell me to DON'T do something or DO something else to her liking. I hate the way that she thinks she's so superior and have the right to control me and meddle in my business just because she's my mum. WTH sometimes I really want her to just disappear and leave me alone to control my own time and just TRUST ME, trust that I know what I'm doing. Trust that I've put in effort and now need some time to slack. Sometimes I just wanna get the hell out of this house.

I'm just glad for the presence of my friends. If not for them, I would have no motivation for anything. I really truly want to hug every single one of them who made me feel better.

Maybe it's a dellusion on my own part...maybe you see me as just someone that you like to talk to and nothing more. What was it that made me say those things and boost my hopes up? Stupid girl.

I need to be loved

2009-03-08T12:54:00.003+08:00

I'm seriously deadbeat tired. I slept at 1.30am last night and 2.40am the previous night. I was chionging SAGE presentation the previous night only to get criticised by the disgusting judge at sage =.= And yesterday during SAGE, we stayed all the way till the end of the last presentation, which was around 2.45pm...whereas other teams all left. Sigh. We shouldn't have stayed. We should have just presented, had lunch and went home, that will save me an extra 4 hours and I could have mugged earlier and went to sleep earlier. Damn.

But the silver lining was that yesterday after we had lunch, we saw Utt (the MTV VJ) on the way back to the SMU School of Accountancy! And Utt was drop dead gorgeous in a bad boy kind of way. He was with his friend and they were getting ready to skateboard (his friend was also cute but of course no as stunning as Utt xD) and Melly got huachi cos she said Utt smiled at her. And she was still talking about it 30minutes after Utt smiled at her! Actually I didn't recognise Utt at first, I couldn't connect his face to his name, until Melly pointed it out to me. I think he smiled at me too! <3

He looked more like this yesterday with his fringe and casual clothes. But he's hot like this: http://hot-males-celebrity.blogspot.com/2008/02/vj-utt-from-mtv.html

I find people of mixed descent really gorgeous. Utt is Thai(chinese)-American and Shan Wee from 987 FM is also gorgeous and he's Irish-Singaporean.

School is just really hectic and tiring now, despite the fact that lessons are funnier with the guys' crap...but then I just have a lot of things to do. Like doing tutorials, reading up before lectures, and revising after lectures and other random stuff. I've became far more nocturnal now. Because I can't really concentrate with noise from 8-10pm, I've resorted to sleeping after dinner and waking up at 930pm to work till around 1am. It's easier to concentrate when the night is dead quiet. I just want my JC life to be more fulfiling, it doesn't matter if I work hard and nearly die of exhaustion for 2 years when I have achieved a lot. I'm signing up for YAP, Youth for Causes, running for Interact exco and also CT rep. I shall see whether I can get enough people for Youth for Causes first. I didn't get into APYLS, apparently it's pretty prestigious and I was told only 3-4 people that were not in the 08 APYLS Committee got in. And I bet most of those people who were in APYLS Com last year were councillors too. That's not exactly very fair :/ But then again, life's not fair.

Apollo is the sun of my life and 09S79 is the heart of my soul <3

2009-03-01T13:58:00.004+08:00

I am really busy everyday so I don't really have time to blog, but then, I must blog about Post Orientation Party (POP) when Apollo won the FACULTY DANCE AND THE FACULTY SHIELD! (Details here: http://community.livejournal.com/apollofaculty/) I was just really really really elated when I heard that we won because I know that now all the sweat and time and effort that I put in staying back after school to learn the dance wasn't wasted! And I'll also like to thank all the people (Amanda, Ben and Addie) for telling me that my dancing was zai xD And at first, I was scared that Ares will win again, especially when I saw the opening of their dance after ours but then I watched the video on youtube on Apollo's POP dance and I knew why we won.

Everyone in Apollo put in their effort to do the dance properly and maintained our rows right to the end of the dance. And the MOVE MOVE SHAKE SHAKE A-PO-LLO! was just sensational, it was like the entire Central Plaza was rocking. And our ending part where we threw our caps sky high - it was just great. I couldn't stop watching the video again and again. Hahahahaha. After we won, we had Sodache again all the way till 8pm+ and during Sodache, we were supposed to dance with someone from another faculty. Then me and addie and the rest of the girls were just standing there waiting for guys to come over, but then in the end all the Artemis guys that came over were shorter than me so I danced with michmich. Then halfway through the dance, Lijie came over and brought this super tall guy over to me and asked me to dance with him! LOL. Then I had to abandon mich (sorry mich! >.<) and dance with him (Aden). He's 184cm tall! Yay i was super happy. And then halfway through the dance Kelvin from my OG

came and they were like taking turns to dance with me ._. So embarrassing. And I felt really short because I was suddenly surrounded with 3 tall guys each from a faculty other than Apollo.

After they announced the results that Apollo won, we were all like screaming at each other and going crazy! Then we danced an encore and then then my class ordered mac's and stayed back. Some of us walked to the field and played the Apollo fac dance song again and started dancing again and again :D And then everyone was super duper high and crazy xD It was like the last day of Orientation all over again. Then, we ate mac's under a pool of light in front of the Tan Kah Kee statue and the guys were scaring us with hwachong ghost stories. HC has a lot a lot of ghost stories since their campus is so old already whereas nanyang campus kept moving throughout the past 90 years. It felt so good just to be there with my class, to be high and crazy and to forget all the shitty details of my life.

Then yesterday we had STJ at The Glass House Fish & Co. There were like 4 other HC classes having STJ as well there so Fish & Co was like super duper full. But the food was pretty great, I ordered a seafood platter (which took forever to come) and I also ate a lot of their yummy cakes together with my friends. Then everyone were camwhoring and I took a lot of photos of Qihao and the others acting gay, which got me into a laughing fit and also a lot of stupid forfeits that the guys had to do :D HAHAHAHA. I uploaded all the super funny photos onto facebook already. I think my class is like the only class that has such funny/gay/candid/spastic photos, made even more funnier by Ju's fb comments.

I really feel very bonded with everyone in my class now and I think that 09S79 rocks because we're hardworking, willing to help one another, supportive and knows how to have fun when we want to! Just like 402 (((:

I really love 09S79 from the top to the bottom of my heart.

My 1st School Week

2009-02-20T22:52:00.002+08:00

School is getting along ok so far...I had my first spotcheck just this week and I did not get caught for anything :D Thank goodness, because I do not want any demerit points cos having demerit points means that you'll need to do CS. The poor guys all got caught for hair! Seriously, some of them only have a few strands of hair touching their eyebrow/ears/collar and then they'll get caught. Imo their hair is not messy or unkempt at all.

I'm also gradually getting used to the lecture/tutorial system and staying back late till 6pm+ in school. I think things are normal now because all the tutorials didn't start coming yet...so I have extra time to complete tutorials ahead of time. I think once CCAs officially start and other commitments kick in, life will be really hectic for me. I have also gotten used to being fed with a lot of info all at once for bio, trying to keep awake through GP and also feeling stupid doing chem. I was pretty packed for this weeks already!

Monday: Huangcheng orientation

Tuesday: Talentime

Wed: Interact interview

Thurs: Fac dance pract

Fri: Photog soc introduction

I didn't get into Talentime anyway, because they cheated me! There was supposed to be semis, but now they scraped that and only 8 people got accepted straight into Finals. Not much fun, if you ask me, because this kind of competition is supposed to go in rounds. I would have chosen a harder song to sing if I knew that they scraped the semis. But the good news is, my angel and mortal are finally writing to me! My mortal now writes everyday but I've just received my first letter from my angel TODAY, together with a whole package of sweets. I like my class pretty much, because there are 0 bitches, everyone's nice to each other and hardworking, so we'll always mug together at the class bench and we have some cliques but it's not that obvious cos everyone still mixes together pretty well. The guys in my class are nice, but not sweet or enthusiastic enough! They don't take initiative to mix with the girls during classes, so we still have an obvious gender segregation D:

Now, actually, my fav subjects are Bio and Econs, cos they are the only two that I can understand + seems interesting to me. Chem just makes me feel stupid everytime I attempt to do it because I really suck at stoichiometry...and math for now is ok, because my math tutor goes quite slow (:

Now I'm torn over CCA selection! I got accepted into Interact Club, Ne2twork and I'm also interested in Photography Society (it's damn cool, they got a lot of DSLRs and also a dark room!) But then, MAD audition is only tomorrow, when the registration for CCAs closes, so it's very conflicting for me to choose a CCA now when I don't even know whether I'll get into MAD or not! I'm nervous about the audition tomorrow ))): I actually don't think my chances of getting in is very high...because it's not like I'm those kind of people who can learn new choreos very fast.

Fingers crossed! :x

Hello lectures and more tutorials

2009-02-14T19:32:00.003+08:00

Orientation ended on friday and I'm already beginning to dread the next week of school. Already I have my monday-wednesday all packed after school from a lot of misc activities - Huangcheng orientation, Interact interview and Talentime auditions. Did I mention that I've decided to join Talentime solo? Actually I'm only joining because my mum encouraged me to...if she didn't say yes to it, I probably won't consider joining solo anymore.

Last thursday's war games were two words: hot and rough. I got a tan just from standing under the sun for around 2 hours...and I got an APOLLO tanline on my right arm cos I painted Apollo in yellow paint there so now there's a faint outline of the words :D I did not manage to throw a waterbomb at all, because I was doing defence together with the other girls all the way till the

last 15 minutes of the games. At the last 15minutes, I managed to acquire a waterbomb from Gino but it got squashed by this Athena girl 3 minutes after I got it )): Mostly we were defending ourselves against Athena. The guys (and some girls) from Athena just all came over and rammed into us all at once and I got my arms twisted and sore trying to prevent them from coming in. And later in the game I got pissed and I just tried to assualt (scream and kick) at the people trying to ram into us girls. Despite our best efforts, Apollo still lost to Ares, who backstabbed us and Artemis! I thought that Ares wouldn't be able to win it cos they got bombed pretty bad at the end. Humph. At the end, I just wanted to get out of the field because i was really too damn

hot and thirsty.

Me and Addie then queued for bathing near the netball court but then there were 4 Athena girls that suddenly cut queue and made me super pissed so I scolded them but they just pretended that they didn't hear anything. So after that, me and Addie made our way to the high school girls toliet then we just locked ourselves in the tiny toliet with only one cubicle and took turns bathing outside the cubicle where the sink was xD And I was so tired from the war games that my eyelids kept drooping from 3pm onwards.

Friday was quite slack but more fun during the CAMPFIRE NIGHT. We watched performances from different faculties in the hall at first and Apollo won BOTH BEST FLAG AND CLASS PERFORMANCE! Me and my friends jumped up and screamed till our throats were dry :D I really have to bow down to Akilan's narrative skills, he changed his 'script' so fast and flawlessly and fed the audience with the "we are one hwachong" theme instead of dissing the other faculties, which was probably what won us the best performance title. Good job A14! ^_^

Then after all the performances, we went down the central plaza and sung tons of hwachong songs while cuddling with my ct mates in a circle. They lit up fires of different colours - one for each faculty - and then also lit up the REV-IT-UP sign hung between the two flag poles. It was truly a very moving moment for everyone and we were all so high. At some point during the song singing session, they played some hiphop and I just grooved myself to the beat like I was clubbing HAHAHA. Heck, everyone was so high anyway and screaming for no reason. At that moment, I really felt very bonded with my ct and everyone in HC and I'm sure others felt the same too. Squashed in the throng of hot sweaty people singing and dancing the same songs and cuddling with my new CT friends made me feel as though the school was throbbing and we were all so ALIVE.

It was such a 'historic' moment watching Dom light up the sign and seeing the words catching fire and glowing. The two wings at the side can flap too, really beautiful (:

I really really hope that everything will come out OK in the end despite all the differences and challenges that I'd face in the coming 2 years of school.

APOLLO, baby!

2009-02-11T22:04:00.003+08:00

I've been wanting to blog during the past 3 days but I simply cannot find any time to. I'm pretty happy in my new CT (09S79!) because there are 0 bitches or scholars and we're all very nice and friendly people :D It's not that I don't like scholars, Ha and Felisa have been my besties, but then some scholars are scary lol. I'm also in the hippest, sexiest, most happening faculty *cues drumroll* - APOLLO! I think Alfred is like the best fac head ever, because he's so comical and funny and fun all the time :D

College life did not even officially start yet but I'm already feeling very busy and pretty tired from running around all day. And HC provides you with so many opportunities to do so many different things like OCIP, local CIP, research programmes, scholarships, competitions, overseas study camps etc and I just feel like applying for so many of them that I'm overwhelmed by all the deadlines. CT games are, however, not going so well because their fun level is nowhere near OG games. I still think they should be the other way round because CT is more important than your OG and you should get to know your CT mates better. Today during the meet the seniors session, I noticed that the girls and the guys are still pretty much segregated. Today was pretty boring as well, except that we had our class flag 95% done and we learnt two songs of the fac dance, which has a difficulty of 7/10 compared with other fac dances. The fac dance was pretty cool, but I had to dance the guy's part because there were simply not enough guys in BCME subject combination and I'm going to say that APOLLO WILL BE THE FAC DANCE CHAMPION THIS TIME ROUND :D

Yesterday was the more hectic day because after the horrifying math lecture where I couldnt see or catch anything, I managed to mug math tutorials till question 7. I shall leave the rest for weekends. And then after that we went to Botanic Gardens, where we only manage to visit one 'crime scene' out of the 5 that we had to visit for the investigation game. In the end, we just sat down on the grass to play. Then, we half walked half ran from Botanic Gardens all the way back to hwachong. Great exercise, but my disgusting tummy fat is still there and mocking at me D: I hate tummy fat! I cannot tolerate a bit of fat at all at my tummy area. After school ended, me and warren and his group of friends went on a 45mins bus ride to Outram Park MRT for jamming sessions at a studio only to discover that we were at the wrong control station. When we finally found the correct place, we were around 5-10mins late and Yun Hao (the bassist) and me were pissed at Warren (serves him right). The band consisted of Yun Hao, Samuel (acoustic), Warren (acoustic noob haha), Liang Jun (drummer) and me (vocalist). There were an additional 4 people who were there just for fun, besides my 'band members' squeezed into the tiny studio.

Actually, I don't even know whether we're a proper band at not because the drummer finally decided that the practice we had was too last minute and not good enough for Talentime, which basically meant that it was a waste of our money and time =.= But I'm proud to say that we did manage to piece together Nobody's Home by Avril Lavigne, Samuel's guitar playing is cool and our drummer is quite imba xD But actually, to me, everything sounded pretty ok because I couldn't listen out to anything. I actually hope that there will be future jamming sessions, because they're fun. But no more on school nights, because I reached home only at 10pm and got grounded.

I'm looking forward to war games tomorrow!

Go APOLLO! :D

Goodbye my dear OG 7...

2009-02-07T13:23:00.003+08:00

Yesterday marked the last day of OG Orientation and next week would be the orientation for CT classes, which I will be with for almost 2 years.

We had a lot of introductory lectures in the morning again and then in the afternoon, we had our OG games! Luckily the slippery slope was our first game because everything was just set up and clean and we had it in the steeper and longer slope at the field. It was really very very difficult climbing up the slope! I was paired with Eugene and then the raffia string tying our hands together fell loose at first climb and we just grabbed each other's hands very tightly. I kept on loosing my footing and then slipping down and dragging eugene down with me, although he fell some times too. In the end, my OG only had 2 pairs that managed to make it to the top D: And stupid Eugene is forever trying to poke me and I'll always have to resort to 'violent' tactics to restraint him. The other games were just so-so, such as the HC rev-it-up, the bench sliding game etc. There was this game that involves crawling, spinning and jumprope till you finally try to score a point by aiming a ball at the bucket. I was one of the two people that scored for my OG! And we managed to tie that game with OG 32, but then that was our only point of the day xD But I don't really care about scoring, I just want everyone to enjoy themselves because that's the whole point of Orientation.

I hope the councillors would be able to come up with more fun team building games such as those squeezing on a bench ones, or those crossing across using small wood planks or the blind folded kind of games. Although those games are quite commonly played but then I still think that they are fun and serve as great ice breakers.

After Orientation, we just went to J8 to have dinner and it turns out that every restaurant/ fast food place is completely full and not enough to seat 20 people so we had to eat Pizza Hut AGAIN for dinner. The thing was, we had to seat seperately at different tables of 6 each and we couldn't really talk across tables. Oh well. Pizza Hut was spammed with people yesterday, after we left at around 8.45pm, there was still one huge crowd of 15+ students coming in.

I think that although everybody act so enthusiastic about their OG and cheer each other on during games, I believe that most people are still not really as close as they want to admit to the people in their OG. Sure, I believe that it is very fun and enjoyed during the past 5 days and the people inside our respective OGs are nice and funny, but we have only gotten to know each other on the surface, not on the inside. We don't know how their family is like, how responsible they are when doing projects and how they are like in other situations. During OG dinners, I bet most girls and guys will clump together seperately out of habit, which means we're still not that close enough to mingle around comfortably. But, I will continue to treasure the friendship I made during the past 5 days and I will especially miss the below people:

Warren

Eugene

Kevin

Chuin Yin

YanJie

XinYing

Lim Min

Those that are not mentioned, it doesn't mean that I won't miss you, I'll just miss the above people a little more, because they are the ones that were always around for the past 5 days doing funny things together and spending more time with me.

As for my current CT allocation, I can't tell you how pleased I am because I am with Addie and Hong Hui (from my OG) and I have 0 unpleasant people in my CT! The only sad thing is that most BCME classes only have 4 guys.

我们的黄城

2009-02-05T22:39:00.005+08:00

I came home at around 9pm today because I went out with some of my OG people (warren, cy, lm, eugene, kevin and winnie xD winnie's a guy btw) to Serene's Center for dinner! :D Winnie isn't exactly his real name of course, or else it'll be so gay and he isn't in my OG either...and he's supposedly warren's half brother cos they look alike, even though warren's like 10cm shorter! Sorry, I digressed. I had a lot of fun playing dares with everyone afterwards. One person had to key in a number into his/her handphone and then we had to go rounds suggesting a number. The person that guesses the correct number needs to do the dare.

For the first couple of rounds, Kevin, Chuin Yin and Warren had to drink this horrible concoction of curry sauce, bbq sauce, chili, tomato and butter. Then, I had to do two dares, one was to ask a random guy doing homework at mac's for his name, and the second was to hug a random girl! I think everyone had a crazy and high time cheering for each other during the dares. I admit that at the first I didn't want to do those dares that they came up with and I wasn't exactly comfortable with the game...maybe it's because nobody in 402 will think of something like that to do to both their classmates or the public xD But as it got along, I had more fun than I imagined I would because doing such stupid things IS really quite funny (although not very me) and I suppose that we should do these kind of things more often to make life for everyone more entertaining. And I am really really starting to get close to some of the people in my OG and I

find it sad that we will be going into different CT after just one short week D: Life is always so full of endings and beginnings, of meeting new people and then parting ways after that.

Today's OG games were fun, but I don't think they were as fun as tuesday's. The soap hockey was just pretty lame, because it's basically more of one on one and Balls of Fury seemed like army camp training for me and I got a lot of bruises and scratches from it ): We managed to win Human Foozeball and the Pipe game. We managed to finish the pipe game in record time - way before the other OG finished it. I didn't really get drenched too badly, except for Balls of Fury, which was the last game we had. I had quite an enjoyable time singing hwachong's traditional songs afterwards, because some of the lyrics were really quite meaningful and music bonds people together so well. I think HC really did a better job of promoting their school spirit through the cheers, songs and dances as compared to nanyang.

Above, a view from Tian Tang. Yes, it's raining.

In just such a short time, I've began to like the people that reside in 黄城...but right when I started to get close to them, I need to get seperated from them again. That's LIFE.

REV-IT-UP! Day 2

2009-02-03T22:21:00.002+08:00

I just realised that I forgot to mention that the theme for this year's orientation is Rev-it-up. When I first got to know about it, I thought that it didn't sound as nice and original as Jumpstart, but I guess it doesn't really matter since I bet our orientation's going to be so much more fun than Jumpstart :D

Today's programme consisted of talks in the morning again. I'm still thinking whether I want to take CenTaD or the like...I think I should, just to experience it once and officially decide whether I'm interested in having science/research as part of my career in the future. I still think that I'm too bland and boring, I ought to do more things to beef up my portfolio for any future university or scholarship applications.

The afternoon was sodache and mostly OG Games, which is extremely extremely FUN. For sodache, I had myself paired up with a guy shorter than me by chance so we had difficulty doing the twist turn thingy D: I'm sorry, but there is really no guys taller than me by 5cm in my OG, I think Leon comes closest to my height. This sucks, what am I going to do in order to wear my Topshop platforms and still stand next to a guy who's taller than me? xD The mass dances that hwachong have are mainly derived from line dance I bet, even the music sounds so much like the line dance that I used to do in student care when I was young.

The OG Games consisted of Capture, 3legged soccer, chicken egg eagle, Quidditch and Giant Softball. I enjoyed Capture the most because I got shouldered by a guy and it was so high up and got my adrenaline pumping! Each team needs to send four pairs of competitors, one pair consist of 2 guys carrying one girl and the girl needs to snatch caps from other teams while protecting the cap that she's wearing. Even though I got my hair messed up like a crazy woman but it was well worth it (I didn't get shouldered since I was 3!) I didn't like chicken egg eagle cos it was kind of too lame and isn't very interactive between OG members and also Quidditch, because it's simply too hard to score. They should replace the frisbee with a ball instead. OG 7 is really so honest and nice, everyone is very enthusiastic with good sportsmanship. During Giant Softball, the other team kept claiming that they won even though we won more games than them but we still didn't complain at all but cheered for them still. 3legged soccer was fun, but I got a giant bruise on my right ankle now (thanks Leon! ._.) and we still lost 4-2.

I had fun screaming my lungs out too during the many cheering sessions led by Warren, even though the cheers get repetitive and slightly boring after some time. But I do have to say that HC cheers are so much more welcomed than Nanyang cheering seasons. Back in Nanyang, whenever there's a cheering session, everyone will groan and moan and cheer halfheartedly and you can see only the councillors screaming their lungs out. I cheered so loudly such that my friends (in 402) were saying that "Omg! Sitong you were cheering so loudly!" with a shocked expression. Hahaha. That's only because I had fun and enjoyed myself immersely today, I tend to express what I feel clearly and honestly :D

I hope thursday come soon cos there will be water OG games...tmr's just CCA fair ): Major disappointment :x

1st day of official school

2009-02-02T21:41:00.003+08:00

Today was my first official day of school, with the O level track people coming in and everything. The first part of the lectures were horrible because the audi was packed full and I had to seat on the stairs listening to different lectures regarding the special subjects and programmes. It was so boring and unbearable but me and melly couldn't help thinking how normal we were afterwards because it's like we have been average all along - not in any special programmes or taking any other unconventional subjects. But I really am not interested in English Language & Linguistics, nor in KI, nor am I good enough for CSC or other chinese content based subjects. All my life I have just been "average".

Then for the second part of the lectures, I got a migraine listening to the teacher barking into the mic regarding the procedure for choosing subject combis. He was yelling into the mic and the loudspeaker was directly in front of where I was sitting. The noisiness of the high school boys didn't help either, seventeen years old already and still doesn't have the discipline level of a primary one girl. I mean, at least primary school girls know when to keep quiet when necessary and does it when the teacher said so D:

The first day of orientation wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, even though I don't really know the rest of the NY girls in my OG, I made instant friends with them and the other girls from other schools are really nice and friendly as well (: The guys are mostly ok too...but they are not that kind of super noisy and enthu kind like I saw from some other OGs. Today's icebreakers consisted of dog and bone, whacko, school tour, cheering and gross games that my OGL Lijie thought up off =.= Gross things like passing pocky sticks and tiny pieces of biscuits around with your mouth. And he made us bite off a tiny end of the pockys as we passed it around! D: It's so unhygienic, only guy OGLs will think of such gross things. A pity that the two guys next to me were all "ew" hahaha I didn't get to stand next to the 2 cute ones xD HAHAHA whatever la.

But actually I think sodache wasn't so bad after all, I really felt closer to the people in HC as a whole singing songs and doing stupid actions together with them. I hope tomorrow won't be so bad (:

Did you say "yay,orientation"?

2009-01-31T22:07:00.005+08:00

I am now chronically depressed. I think I will be all the way till next tuesday or maybe even till next next monday till the CT games start. If my CT is as bad as my OG, maybe I'll be sad for life. (=.=) I feel mean to all those people that I don't even yet know in my OG, but I just can't imagine having fun doing "close contact team building" games with them. I'm sorry ): I only recognise Tenille, Minh Phuong and the super genius Liukun. Not to mention that there are so many international scholars in my OG and I'm nowhere near my friends in 402. Life seems to be especially unfair to me since most of my friends got at least ONE person in 402 together with them.

Nevermind, I shall try to focus on happier things, like the shopping trip today together with

melly, addie, xiaoyang and felisa. I'm sorry that addie still couldn't find a bag that she likes after looking at countless shops and bags in wisma and far east.

FINANCIAL DAMAGE

Melly - Topshop pink wallet with lock charm - $50

Felisa - Rectangular brown handbag - $32

Me - Purple tinted Nike bottle - $15.90

A simple purple tinted plastic Nike bottle costs $15.90. Such a ripoff. I originally wanted those kind of metal bottles with cute prints on them but didn't went to Robinson's to find those kind of bottles because of lack of time. I still feel that shopping online is more fun because of the wide variety of clothes I find online. Wisma do have lots of nice clothes that I like from CottonOn, F21, Dorothy Perkins and Miss Selfridge etc but it's mostly too expensive for me to frequent. Far east, of course, has much more affordable prices but none of the clothes there really caught my eye. There was this super nice CottonOn skirt that I really liked, it is kind of bandage style, but with an exposed zipper in the middle with a chiffon tiered effect but it costs $40 D:

We also had a lot of fun trying on all the different towering platform heels at Topshop. My friends all told me that I can go and be a model for my height, but I don't think that's possible until I graduate from HC cos my mum doesn't allow it. I actually really love Topshop platforms cos they're really nice and comfortable to wear and doesn't bite your feet like some shoes do, I swear I'm going to buy a pair of Topshop platforms in the future.

Anyway, at Far East, we found this really nice cafe named a SLICE of life that sells milk layered with ice. It's really really delicious, it tastes like ice cream, but the texture is not as thick as that of an ice cream, nor is it as creamy as ice cream. It comes out from a machine in flakes, layered and has an extremely soft texture that melts in your mouth instantly. The cafe has many flavours, which were named after different stages of love like FirstKiss, FirstDate, Matrimony, Breakfast in Bed etc and the flavours are extremely authentic and tastes like the real thing. They will also add in additional berries/fruits/aloe vera in accordance to the flavour you've chosen. Quite a cosy little place that is nicely decorated - simple but cute.

Me and mel's share - FirstDate - Grape flavoured with aloe vera

Felisa, Xiaoyang and Addie's share - Peach flavoured with canned peach + syrup

The shop deco - feature wall

Us!

Now you can see who likes to smile without showing their teeth :D Xiaoyang, my dear, you should smile with your teeth showing sometimes, don't worry, your teeth really isn't that crooked. Smiling with your mouth closed makes you seem stiff and unnatural and that's why I never have the habit of smiling with my mouth closed. When I'm happy, I show it.

Till then, I'm definitely not looking forward to orientation anymore. *hides in shame*

Time flies

2009-01-30T19:08:00.009+08:00

I have so much to say I don't know where to start. I regretted not blogging about CNY sooner. Perhaps things are better said through photos.

On 除夕 (cny eve)

Me and my parents went to Far East Flora and bought two new year plants! I made sure that both of them are going to flower all year round before we purchased them. I still think plants that flower are so much more prettier. The above is one of the plants that we bought.

My family's sumptious lunch consisting Beijing 烤鸭 (ate the Beijing style with fresh cucumber, spring onion and sauce all wrapped in a thin "pancake") , a cold dish, roast beef and many other veggie dishes (:

I went over to my friend's(liyin) house in the afternoon and there were 5 other girls that I knew there (: We went out to Bugis before coming back at night to watch CCTV春节联欢晚会, it's like something we always do every cny. Sleepover at her house.

On 初一
I went to another friend(weihui)'s house together with Liyin again and there were a lot of kids there as well. Had fun outside at her local Npark where they had this trampoline and then we played mahjong till late and I slept over at her house too.

The rest of the CNY was wasted away at home slacking xD I'm very proud of the sum of my ang pao money this year! I think this is one of the biggest sums I've ever received ($_$) I think I got more than $300.

Thursday - Bagpack buddies - we're so cute :3

Me, Shiing and Melly bought these bags in Ho Chi Minh (vietnam) at very affordable prices. Aren't the prints adorable?

See how happy we're grinning!

Today I went out to celebrate my primary school friend's(sinlin) belated birthday! It was me, sheena, bel, sinlin, wang chi, ben, jieqiang at kbox and we were then joined by zhengwei and wenyang (: It was organised by ben and we went out to kbox to celebrate. As it was my first time going to kbox, I had quite a lot of fun singing both english and chinese songs and I'll have to say that although kbox's range of new english songs is pathetic, but they do have some nice ones that I like from Leona Lewis, Katy Perry, Kelly Clarkson, Mariah Carey, Pink and the like. But the down side is almost 60% of their song collection are super old songs from the 1980's onwards.

Anyway, it was a surprise party and sinlin was so touched and surprised to see her primary sch friends again that she cried! AWWWWWW. We had a crazy time singing and teasing each other at kbox before we decided to go bowling! But all the lanes at the bowling place were all full thanks to ACS(I) booking half of the lanes. So the guys played pool and then we went to the arcade. Besides Jieqiang and Ben that really knows how to play, the rest of them don't. Jieqiang is really good at it >.<

No offence, but why is it that people in NY (or maybe it's just ppl in my class) hardly asks their friends out just for a get together one day for fun? Are we normally too busy mugging? But during the holidays, my friends are not those type that will always call to ask a bunch of people out either :/ I have some friends from other schools like Nanhua and she'll always get asked out on weekends for shopping, bday celebration, movie watching and the like. I wonder if this will change when I start my school life in HC proper. Speaking of which, I'm looking forward to orientation on monday! :D

Good luck meeting new friends. I hope I will get into a class as lovely as 402 and I hope that everyone will be happy with their new friends but still keep in close contact with their old ones.

Happy 牛 Year!

2009-01-23T22:00:00.006+08:00

今天为了庆祝华人新年，我6am就起床到华中初中部集合。以上的照片是在华中的操场旁边拍的，在这个时候，天天都能看到日出，好美哦。如果仔细看的话，你可以看到前面的操场。我爸说华中的校长脑子烧伤了，因为他要我们7.10am 就集合，而只是为了庆祝新年。

The above photo was given a colour boost in the upper half and then processed with a 1960's photo effect.

The cow head structure that the student councillors hung up in the middle of the central plaza. It's really cute. I quite like the way the student councillors decorated the central plaza and the rest of the school building. It's nicely done and very festive looking (:

I'm still thinking whether I should join council as a cca in HC because according to all my other friends, the councillors are the ones that do all the ad-hoc duties and hard work in almost all major school events. They need to plan, organise, make decorations, execute and host the event and finally to clean up. But apparently this is the way to attain leadership skills :/

Students crowded on upper levels to watch the performance.

今年的新年主题是“升”，因为从旁边看，它是个“牛”字。今年的表演当然比南洋的稍微好看一些，不过还是舞狮、华乐、合唱团、武术、华族舞蹈的表演。不过武术与华乐表演都比南洋的精彩，不过合唱团的表演还是一样的单调。可能是因为我每年看南洋的表演看腻了，所以觉得华中的表演比较好看。之后，J2 的学生就开始两个小时的Funfair活动，不过我什么都没有买，因为一点胃口也没有 D：

到最后，就是捞鱼生！虽然真正捞的时间很短，不过第一次和1500个人一起捞鱼生还是蛮有趣的。华中的校友可真有钱，一下就可以买下差不多50包鱼生给所有的同学。我妈妈说那是因为男的还是比女的有钱，所以南洋每次都喊穷，而华中却每次能找到很多赞助商。看来男女还不是很平等。活动结束之后，我们就赶快逃离现场，免得被J2的人抓去跳Mass Dance。原本想回南洋探望以前的老师，不过发现他们很多都已经走了，所以最后和Addie and Xiaoyang 一起去吃Pizzahut :D

总的来说，还算是一个不错的一天。

Boys vs Girls

2009-01-22T21:56:00.002+08:00

What is it about hci guys that they constantly feel the need to make a lot of noise? Today, during the bio activity, we had to do a "blood mystery" activity where we had to run to different parts of the school to answer difficult bio questions and attain clues to complete a cloze passage. And the guys pratically make noise after every three senctences said by our lecturer and me and my friends couldn't stand them. Jeez, if they were to be so noisy during official lecture time, I would tell them to shut up.

I can understand if 12-year-old boys do this in school because boys are found to mature slower than girls, but 16/17 year old teenage boys? No wonder they have the need for a discipline master =.= That feels like so primary school to me. But sometimes guys have it so easy. They do not need to worry about their skin, their hair, their clothes or even their appearance. They can always get away with simply because they are guys. Guys can just throw on a tee and pants, or a shirt and pants and tie ensemble for formal events and they're good to go, whereas girls still need to make up, fix their hair up and wear nice clothes with a sense of style. Guys don't have to bleed and experience pain every month. Guys can laugh loudly or do other social taboos that girls are not ever allowed to do.

No matter, I still find girls so much more pleasant than boys hahaha. I'd rather raise a daughter than a son. And no, this is being practical, not feministic. Of course, good girls can go bad too, but most of the time, a son causes more headache for you than a daughter.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow's CNY celebration, even though I have to wake up at an unholy hour. And I'm even more looking forward to Orientation and I pray that I won't get into the same class as those bimbotic bitches.

So, a happy CNY in advance! :D Wishing you good luck in the Year of the Ox, and I need to tell myself to work as hard as an ox to pull through this year too (:

Bouncing off the walls

2009-01-21T22:49:00.002+08:00

Wth just now I was trapped inside my own freaking room for more than 40minutes because the door got stuck and I couldn't turn the doorknob to open the stupid door! And I was nearly hyperventilating inside my room cos I didn't even have my specs yet (just came out from bathing) and I couldn't even see clearly. I had to yell crazily at my dad to call a locksmith, who came and opened the door in like 10 freaking minutes and then charged $40 as his fee =.= Now I feel really dumb.

School is getting along ok, actually I'll have to thank my lucky stars that school is still so slack now because my friends in RV IP stream were complaining that they already had a lot of homework and school starts at 8am and ends at 4pm. So far the only lecture I've enjoyed is chemistry, thanks to ms wong, who tries to make it interesting for us. And maybe bio, I would've enjoyed it more if I were allowed to exhibit normal human behaviour in that lecture, for example, be allowed to go toliet, to yawn and to discuss things with friends. But today's physics lecture made me even more determined not to ever take physics. I'll rather drown in a thick stack of bio notes than to listen to Mr-please-don't-call-me-philip-cos-it's-rude-and-immature-thomas. Oops, I think I've said too much :x But the only thing is, I seem to be the only one complaining that I still feel like I'm in a girls' school! It's true. Everyday I surround myself with girls, talk to girls, interact with girls, look at girls and girls only. C'est dommage, je dois attendre le 2 Feb.

I'm looking forward to chinese new year when I can actually get a legitimate reason to stuff myself with fatty food and then look at the mirror and grumble :D

Listening to: If I were a boy - Beyonce {I'm loving the lyrics and beyonce's vocals in this song!}

Eating: Pineapple tarts

Reading: I seriously didn't touch a fiction book for so long I'm ashamed ):

Back to school!

2009-01-19T18:24:00.005+08:00

The first event of the day confirmed my suspicions about lectures being boring! I was trying to seat still and not look at the clock during the entire duration of the ISYF (International Science Youth Forum) today. The speeches followed by speeches bored me out completely and even though the physics Nobel laureate was more interesting than the rest, he lost me as he droned on. The ISYF opening ceremony ended around 1 hour earlier than the scheduled time and we had to walk around the JC campus aimlessly, waiting till 1140 to the Principal's briefing.

It was extremely funny to watch the guys rebelling against the discipline master, however. Apparently, Minister Shanmugaratnam (minister of finance)'s son, Akilan, was blowing bubblegum bubbles in the audi and he had to be called down to the discipline master who was yelling at the guys. And all the guys were clapping and cheering for him, which was so damn funny. I didn't expect hci guys to be so rowdy! The stereotypes always described hci guys as nerdy, geeky, guaiguai and tooty xD So it was interesting to see the way the guys behave during the entire briefing. After the briefing, it was math lecture, followed by chem lecture.

I seriously love Ms Wong Huiming, who gave the chem lecture! She is so cute and funny and interesting and lame, but I really had fun during the entire length of her lecture! I hope she'll be teaching me in the future! And anyway, the jc canteen food is not all that bad as compared to nanyang's food, only that the mixed veg store is so lousy as compared to the nanyang mixed veg store! Warning though, the prices have gone up around 50cents to a dollar more, so I guess it's still more worth it to go to the high school side to eat. First day of school was gone through quite smoothly only that as Ms Wong said: the audi is not nice, the chairs are so hard, the guys are so quiet and keeping to themselves and life gets sad after a while.

But I'm starting to like school and I'm still looking forward to the next day :D After all, it IS a nice change from seating at home and doing nothing all day long.

2009-01-18T12:55:00.005+08:00

I'm get hyped up (in a bad way) everytime I think that I need to wake up at 630am tomorrow morning for school! And it will be lectures all day long till 3pm. This is so sad. Why can't they have 2 orientations to let students go out of school blues first?

Anyway, the 402 class chalet went along quite well, I thought that although we ran out of charcoal and other stuff, the food was yummy and well prepared and there were even prepared fruits! (Even though 50% of the fruits went down the drain because people couldn't finish it) I especially enjoyed the nuggets, barbequed satay, sweet potato and especially roasted marshmallows that melts in your mouth! It really is very pleasant just spending time with my

friends at night at the beach, looking at the bright stars, the ship lights and lapping sea waves. I am really glad and grateful for all my friends in 402, thanks for being there for me, teaching me homework and putting up with my craziness. I really really hope that I will be in the same class as some of you guys in JC! I still think friends are the most important things in life. EVER. Friends relate to me in a whole different level as compared to my family and people can do without their family but they can never do without friends because friends can be family but family can't always be friends.

My drawings in the sand. We're in l'amour et nous aimons la plage!

Addie, Xiaoyang and me (:

I really really hope I won't be bored sitting through lectures throughout tomorrow! But I'm glad I can see all my friends in hc uniform (at least that's a change, even though the uniform makes you appear like you're wearing cardboard) and I'm also excited to doodle in my new IHEARTPARIS planner, which I intend to show off after one week has been filled.

Goals to reach:

1. Try to pay attention in lectures!

2. Do revision at home if necessary

3. Be happy every day

4. Get used to (close) physical contact with guys ._.

What's an end is a new beginning

2009-01-13T17:24:00.006+08:00

Yesterday I went to Nanyang officially in my hongzi for the last time to receive my O level results. Not that I was anxious or nervous or anything unlike O lvl track people but then, it is my last time with my friends in Nanyang after all. I got A2 for HCL and B3 for French. (Je suis tres desolee, monsieur. J'ai pense que je peux obtenir un A2.) I will continue to love the beautiful beautiful Nanyang campus (which was what lured me to ny 4 years ago!) and also all my fantatically fabulous friends.

Special mention to: Adeline, Melly, Jean, Xiaoyang, Jelly, Huimin, Ann, Ha and Felisa (my teachers!) and also michmich! I'm glad to have known you and I thank all of you for making the past two years of my school life so much more awesome than the first two years. *muacks*

For all of you, please listen to this song: We're all in this Dance - La Meme Histoire Par Feist (Paris, Je t'aime OST) Paris, je t'aime is made up of 22 short meaningful films which I highly recommend you to watch. The below song is actually a compilation of both the english and french version, but the lyrics are actually different for the two languages. I prefer the french one :D It's more meaningful.

Today, I was bored in the afternoon again and I decided to make Japanese mochi or Daifuku. It is extremely easy to make but extremely hard to handle because the sticky rice "dough" is just way too sticky. It sticks to everything and you need to keep on dipping it into more potato flour to make them stop sticking. It is also very very hard to shape the mochi using hands, because of its stickiness and also because the Anko (red bean paste) is very soft. So I can't really wrap the anko properly in the exact centre of the sticky rice dough. However, besides all these problems, my Daifuku still turned out great and very yummy. Sticky sticky texture (but not oily at all)

with sweet, soft anko in the middle :D

My orchid plant with the daifuku.

I made eight daifuku in the end. Probably because I made them too big. Shown here are three of them.

I wish I had japanese plates, I could've bought them from Daiso where I got my Anko but $2 for a plate that I don't really use? Not worth it :/

If you're interested in making daifuku on your own, just ask me over msn or google for the recipes online (:

Remember the days...

2009-01-09T14:23:00.004+08:00

I cherish and will still cherish my precious primary school days in 6I, where I have spent nearly 6 years with 1/3 of the people in it. I will continute to look back upon the "good old days" and laugh about the stupid things we did and the hilarious happenings in class(fights between girls and boys) and the antics of our class clown (jiahua).

The 6I class gathering on 070109 was really great and I really really hope that everyone had enjoyed themselves on that day. I'm kind of disappointed that we only managed to get so little girls to go, but it's better than nothing. All the girls never changed much at all. It was the guys that changed the most, because some of them grew from 1.50 to 1.78 and some of them gained more muscle mass and some of them lost weight and look elongated and some of them has taken to smoking (=.=) After lunch at Mac's at East Coast, the guys stayed at a spot and played cards and another group of girls and guys went cycling. We rented two doubles and four singles and Alex had to cycle with Belinda in tow cos Sinlin couldn't do it xD I had to cycle with Honglan in tow. And then after the cycling, it was just cards, Twister, camwhoring, dinner and crazy laughter the whole time. We had so much fun on the MRT ride home, reminiscing stupid stories of Jiahua xD so much that the people in the MRT were giving us stares.

Laughing with my old friends are just so effortless and so easy. It's as though their presence alone makes me happy and weightless. Maybe it's because we get all nostalgic telling each other the stories in primary school, and maybe it's because I didn't see them for years and maybe it's just because that we watched each other grew up and became attached to one another. I don't know. Or maybe it's because that we know that the girls will only be able to attack guys with waterbottles and whack them unecessarily and the guys will only be able to make disgusting pornrelated jokes and do really immature things ONCE in everyone's lives. But I really hope that I can still stay in contact with a majority of them (:

From left to right, xiangyun, sheena, me, bel, honglan, sinlin. Crazy babes xD

6I, I love you.

Top to bottom, left to right(in case I should forget in the future): sinlin, me, honglan, melvin, wenyang, ben, jieqiang, shentong, jack, wangchi, jonathan. Belinda, xiangyun, sheena, kaisong, jieren and alex.

Happy (belated) New Year!

2009-01-03T12:55:00.003+08:00

Sorry I'm so slow in blogging about my new year. I swear next year I'm not ever going to my mum's annual D&D again, they just get more and more boring year by year. Next year, I would drag my friends to a proper countdown. Photos of the D&D coming up in a bit!

The first day of Jan09 was spent at Jurong Point dining out at DIN TAI FENG with my family. Jurong Point has now turned into every shoppaholic's dream - There are a great number of apparel shops on the first and second floors, good food in the basement, as well as a lot of gift shops selling interesting stuff and 2 korean stationery stores! :D I finally got the chance to get my beautiful 2009 planner ^_^

The insides of this planner are filled with tiny photos of Parisian streets and quirky parisian stores like the boulangerie!

Speaking of which, I'm starting to find my grandparents really annoying now. They love to hover around me, pushing into my space, asking me about every single stupid detail that is absolutely none of their business and at the start, they keep on calling me for no big reason. I say at the start because ever since my attitude to them turned frostier, I guess they took the hint and stopped being so nosy. They really get on my nerves sometimes and I can't help but snap at them and straining the already strained relationship with me and my mum. Stupid. I just hope that everyone leave me alone now for some peace and quiet. I would pick friends over family any day. The people in my family are unable to understand me or converse with me in any way that would make me laugh, because they are in a different wavelength entirely. They simply provide me with my physical needs, not my emotional and mental ones. Good friends, on the other hand, always make me feel good about myself and always cheer me up whenever I'm down. I can't wait to move out when I turn 18.

Anyway, some MUD CUPCAKES to usher in the new year! It was supposed to be a non flour recipe, but then the batter was so watery that I had to add quite a lot of flour to compensate for my lack of butter. The result, rich chocolatety cupcake with a slightly fudge-like consistency. Actually I had these baked before 31st dec, but didn't have the chance to post them up.

Embracing 2009

2008-12-31T12:42:00.002+08:00

Today's the last day of 2008. I'm not exactly very sad about that fact. Later, I'll be attending the annual D&D that my mum's company holds. This year, it's at Shangri-la hotel. I think I'll make sure this is the last year that I'm going to attend this event. Screw her. I'll be better off with friends than family.

I'm sick of her always telling me what to do, always thinking she's right, always thinking that I should comply whatever she say without objection and always feeling that she's superior just because she is my parent. You know what? I don't care whether she is my fucking parent or not, she can beat me to death for all I care if I don't comply what she says.

My New Year Resolution is:

1. Work hard in JC so that I can go to one of the Ivy League in US and away from my parents.

2. Participate more actively in class matters and attain more leadership skills! (corny, i know)

3. Be more outgoing and generous to friends and people that I wanna be friends with xD

4. Increase my wardrobe size and diversify my clothes!

5. Have better self discipline so that I can do better than 2008 (stop promising myself to do something but end up doing the other)

My New Year Wishes are:

1. Find happiness in JC!

2. Make all the criticism and nagging from my parents disappear!

3. Have the freedom to do legitimate things that I like. (je fais ce que j'aime)

4. Win some competitions (whatever competitions also can)

5. Stay in touch with old friends and languages (chinese and french)

6. Never have to learn chinese again in JC!

That's all I can think of for now. I'm looking forward to my primary school class gathering that I'm organizing with one of my friends. And I'm also looking forward to seeing everyone in 402 again for the class chatlet.

Screw 2008, it's an auspicious looking year on the surface but marred on the inside with the Sichuan earthquake, the financial crisis, the "poisoned milk" incident and whatnot. I sincerely hope that 2009 will be better.

Old habits never change

2008-12-27T23:35:00.009+08:00

Fairy lights before the dance party began

I just got back from a gathering with my old 'student care' friends, mainly just me, wang chi and shen tong and some older kids. My old student care teacher organised it and she called like 20 people, only to have around 6-7 turnups. I thought it was going to be really boring with all the line dancing and everything, because there will be all the old uncles and aunties pretending to be youthful and hip (which I hate), but no, it was actually quite fun chatting all night with my old friends. I guess some things never change. The friends I made in primary school always seem to give me a warm and comfortable feeling. I know that they accept me for who I am and there's no need for any pretending because all the barriers were broken when we saw each other grow up 6 years ago. For some reason, me and my friends were seated next to the VIP (Ms Grace Fu, MP for Jurong) and treated like special people during our stay there xD

Aunties dressed in colourful clothing swaying with the beat

I've decided to organise another primary school class gathering since the last one was cancelled ):

Anyway, I've been hooked reading the Twilight Saga. Call me slow but, I'm still in the middle of New Moon. Sorry to dampen your spirits, fans, but I think Stephenie Meyer's twilight saga is RUBBISH compared to Harry Potter and just average compared to all the other books I've read with a proper plot. I seriously don't understand how it became a bestseller, except the fact that it has an incredibly hot vampire who sparkles in the sun and is "greek godlike" and looks like "marble". And the romance? Seriously, korean romances are much much better that that. And New Moon is unbearably draggy in the first 270 pages, where the author insists on spelling out every single miserable detail in Bella's life without Edward. Why am I still reading it? Well, it's like one of those TV dramas that started out good but turned horrible in the middle, but you're still hooked onto it once you've started watching the series and you're afraid that you might miss out some nice action if you skipped a few episodes.

On a lighter note, I'd like you to read the below, written by a reviewer for a "sex scene" in Twilight. [Not for those that does not like crude language]

Trust me, it's good.

I gasped as Edward unzipped his gorgeous, godlike pants, revealing his smooth, white, marble cock. He glared at me with his burning topaz eyes as my fingertips brushed his cold, sparkling, granite dick. My heartbeat quickened. My breath caught. I didn't deserve this. How could I, clumsy, ordinary, plain, clumsy Bella Swan who was only asked to the dance by 3 different lovestruck boys, be so close to a cock so gorgeous, scintillating and godlike? It was like the pale marble cock of Adonis.

In a quick, graceful motion, Edward turned and glared at me. "Don't you see Bella?" he said as he held me in his strong grasp and dry-humped my thigh with annoyance, "I'm a danger to you! You should have nothing to do with me! Every moment you're risking your life!"

"Edward" I gasped "I love you. I will love you forever!" I was in agony thinking of losing him and never again touching his pale, white, cold, gorgeous, sparkling, marble, granite, dazzling, godlike, scintillating Adonis cock. How would I live? He was my life.

He glared at me again with his dazzling, golden eyes and told me with his gorgeous, pale lips "There's something I haven't told you. Something else about my kind."

"What Edward?" I asked breathlessly, "I will love you no matter what. Forever."

He brushed his cold, gorgeous, marble lips close to my clumsy, ordinary ears and whispered "We..."

"What, Edward? I love you. Forever. You can tell me anything."

He gave me ~~his~~ my favourite crooked ~~grin~~ smile and said, "We ejaculate rainbows."

The above, credit to: http://avphibes.livejournal.com/370683.html
You get the idea right?

If you're not so convinced, you can read a Time review here: http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1860716,00.html

and also a slightly less formal one here: http://otahyoni.livejournal.com/130432.html

Sigh, this goes to show how easily you can make money writing crap that appeals easily to teens now.

Merry Christmas :D

2008-12-25T19:23:00.004+08:00

The super cute teddy bear xmas tree on display outside Takashimaya, photo taken when I went out shopping with Melly on tuesday. I bought some small xmas gifts for my friends, hairbands for me (I'm loving hairbands now!) and a pair of dramatic fake lashes for my mum's annual D&D. Shopping with Melly is always so fun and enjoyable.

My Christmas Eve was spent simply with my family, because my grandmother kind of sprained her muscle recently and couldn't walk very well :/ So yesterday, after eating the Christmas logcake, we just played mahjong until midnight, during which I won a lot of times xD Beginner's luck I guess. My Christmas day was spent reading books and procrastinating math. Hopefully tomorrow will be more fun, cos my mum says that she's taking me shopping tomorrow (Boxing Day). I think Christmas is still more fun in the West, where Santas hand out gifts in crowded shopping malls full of people doing last minute shopping and people eat proper Christmas dinners with turkeys with their families over a roaring fireplace while it's snowing outside on Christmas Eve. Singapore's Christmases always bores me, especially when I'm not even Christian and don't get to exchange gifts with people.

How was your Christmas?

Anyway, here's wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and a better 2009.

*muacks* I'll see y'all next year across the bridge.

Baking is ♥

2008-12-23T11:52:00.004+08:00

Yesterday, Jingjing came to my house to bake and we made BANANA APRICOT RAISIN CUPCAKE and jelly hearts <3

The fruit of our labour!

Thin layer of strawberry jam spread on the top of the cupcake with crunchy white frosties :3

This was the first time I made jellyhearts. Jingjing didn't read the instructions for the agar properly the first time and she just poured the agar mixture onto the strawberries without boiling it! And after 1 hour, the agar still didn't set =.= And then I went to read the instructions on the packet again and then I chided jing for not boiling it first. Tsk. I find that the agar is slightly too hard for my liking, I think it would be better if we used JELLY powder instead of agar powder. And the colouring of the agar is too red for my preference, and I can't even see the strawberries instead properly (which I had carefully cut into heart shapes). But the cream cheese and biscuit layer is especially delicious and addictive!

If you remember my post for Candypulp's Christmas Giveaway here, I think you'd be delighted to know that I'm listed as top 20 entries, which means that I'll be getting free goodies from Candypulp! YAY :D

Have a Merry Christmas everyone! I'll be out shopping with Melly later :D

我爱我的姥姥姥爷！

2008-12-18T13:53:00.007+08:00

Yesterday, I baked again before I went to the airport to fetch my grandparents. Haha yup, I know, I bake very often nowadays. I wouldn't call yesterday's batch of PAPAYA GLAZED CUPCAKES a huge success because they didn't rise up beautifully like the previous cupcakes I've baked, some of the cupcakes' bottoms were charred, and also the thick papaya icing that I made tasted a little way too sweet ): But overall, I would say the texture of the cupcake is still great and YUMMY! Jing's coming over to bake soon too and we'd be making Banana Apricot Raisin Cupcake. Haha.

Ew. They don't look too nice here )):

Anyway, yesterday the Changi Airport was a huge mess of people, luggage and noise. It was so chaotic and squeezy that I almost didn't recognize it as the nice big spacey Changi Airport that I know. The experience was horrible. Outside the arrival hall, there were this huge mass of people and inside the hall, the poor passengers of different flights had to share their baggage belts. They had assigned around 2-3 different flights per belt, one after the other. I stood there and waited for more than 1 hour before I spotted my grandparents ALREADY OUTSIDE the arrival hall because they were being taken care of by the Changi staff who had wheeled them out from the plane.

The humongous crowd at T1 of Changi Airport. And this was just my right side! You can imagine what the left side looks like...

Anyway, my grandparents are still as strong and healthy as ever. Haha. And my grandmother is super energetic even though she has some leg problems. Once she saw me, she grabbed my hand and started talking in that loud voice of hers and she did not stop at all in the 45mins ride home. I swear my grandmother has this very contagious energy and she can make friends in minutes wherever she goes. Like hello, she knew pratically the life story of the lady who sat next to her on the plane ride over here. My grandmother told me that her "committee" back in China would miss her and her acting in the play (小品) and she said she will continue revising her english here and be a good student for her english teacher xD And my grandfather does not have much health problems and he still insists on waking up early to go down to exercise (even though last night they slept at 12+ am). Haha. Having them here make me so SO happy. And I finally managed to eat a good lunch after so long.

Now, finally, I'm feeling the Christmas mood.

Baking cures my heart

2008-12-15T11:50:00.004+08:00

Yesteryday, I baked MANGO (STREUSEL) CUPCAKE yesterday and they turned out really really nice as well. Except that I cannot make the streusel, no matter how hard I tried, my streusel turned out gooey instead of crumbly. But the mango and buttery taste of the cupcakes were great though.

The mango slices are additionally placed on top of the cupcakes as well, so that they got soft and baked and their flavour sinks a little into the cupcake. Too bad there's no streusel though, and I got tired and did not attempt to make any icing to replace the streusel after baking 2 batches of cupcakes.

These days I keep having very weird dreams. They disturb me because I haven't been having dreams for a very long time but now I suddenly have dreams on conseucutive nights! And I kept dreaming about things that never happened, but people I know. And the weird thing is that I can remember these dreams in detail after I wake up. In my first dream, I was in USA, in this kind of theme park and I met Deline Soh and the Ajisen supervisor. I ate at Cafe Cartel with the Ajisen supervisor and she offered me to work at Ajisen again! O.o Look how desperate I am. In my second dream, I was with those bitches in 210 and somehow, miraculously and horrendously, they have became EVEN MORE BITCHY than ever. And one of them changed their name to Crisstal or something like that and they were all laughing at me. I think we were seating in a circle in school or something and suddenly, my good friend, I think it was Melly, turned evil too and joinined them together in laughing at me and I was devastated. (Sorry Melly, no offence) Maybe it's because the position of my bed has been changed and I'm not used to it :/ Oh well.

My mum keep nagging at me to find something worthwhile to do and not waste my holidays away. She wants me to buy those SAT books and bring them home and read D: Horror. And I still didn't manage to get any math done today and later I need to go out to buy a new lightbulb for my bedroom lamp (it blew yesterday nite >.<) And my mum says I should learn something like Japanese or Ballroom Dancing. Sigh. I have resolved to trying to find organizations to do CIP for.

But on the bright side, my grandparents are coming in 2 freaking days! :D *dances around* And oh, I uploaded a photo of myself on the right column, it's a self portrait I did and edited (: It's done in focal Black&White, so that only my face is in colour. I've also changed the texture of the photo and made it more grainy. I think sometimes I really need photography for me to get things straight and clear. Photography captures things exactly they are, preserved in time without biasness, unlike humans who are sometimes so fake. Clear photos express things people can't say, can't think of and can't see. You should go on to deviantart and see some of the amazing things people capture. I bet you'd feel fuller and happier afterwards (:

Time for Change?

2008-12-13T19:43:00.009+08:00

Today I procrastinated and did not do math again. But today, my entire family was cleaning up the whole house to prepare it for my grandparents' arrival xD My dad moved my bed so that now it's directly parallel to the windows, which will allow my mum to put an additional mattress next to my bed to sleep in. And all 3 beds in my house had new bedsheets, pillow covers and blanket covers as well.

This is my bedroom now that it has been moved. The walls are so bare! ): And on the left hand corner, there is actually a night light in the shape of a crescent. But the bed frame nearly covers up the entire crescent ): At the right side, there are two shelves installed into the walls full of all my junk xD

I painted my nails jet black on Thursday night at 1am, removed them on Friday afternoon. I'm looking at my wardrobe and thinking I've got nothing to wear again. Something's not really right with me :/ I'm far too restless for myself. I'm also thinking of revamping my room, because currently the walls are just too bare and unbearable. Originally when I decorated my room and chose the furnishings, I guess I was going for Japanese Zen, but now I think I really need some colour. I was thinking of buying another big round mirror and put it up, together with some printed out photos of whimsical things, I think I can find those on deviantart. And I want to buy three more cheap cushions to stack them up on my rug, I shall use old Tshirts to make the cushion covers. I also want to paint an Effiel Tower on my wall and then trace out its outline with small xmas tree lights! And I want a Shinzi Katoh kind of feel, meaning that I want to write french like "Aujourd'hui est superbe pour une picnique" or "Vous etiez belle" or other random lines.

Pics I grabbed from the net:

This bedroom is BEAUTIFUL. There's no other way to describe it. I love the "It's beautiful here" rack above the metal frame of the bed. And the wallpaper is so pretty, with different shades of blue. And the white frame of the bed and blue sheets and the kitty kat combines together so well! I want this bedroom >.<

I like this one as well! It's got this spacious, open, fresh and green feeling about it. The vertical stripes make the bedroom seem even more spacious. But it doesn't have that homey feeling the first one gives.

Oh well, if you have any suggestions, just tag me. Meanwhile, you can see my Christmas wishlist here -->

5 more days!

2008-12-12T21:37:00.003+08:00

Five more days till my grandparents arrive in singapore! Five more days till I can resume normal family life! Five more days till I can eat 3 meals daily! Five more days till my mum hopefully turns into the mum I used to have!

Friggin five more days. Sigh.

Tomorrow is another saturday, aka cupcake baking day again! :D Yay. I shall attempt to bake Mango Streusel Cupcake. Cupcake baking shall become my profession, I don't care about getting a job anymore. After all, I can earn $60 within 2 hours again next week doing another temporary assginment. $150+$60+hopefully another $150= $360! More than what I can get doing those $6/hour jobs definitely (:

I watched the Twilight movie online yesterday. I think I should start getting all 4 books of Twilight. Maybe not Breaking Dawn since my friends told me that the last book was sucky...so I'll buy all three books then. The quality of the movie was quite good and I've fallen in love with Robert Pattinson all over again. He's so hot. AND cute! I have now came to a conclusion that I may like guys with thick brows, straight noses and fierce eyes. First it's Ed Westwick, now it's Robert Pattinson. Haha. Chace Crawford is a hot guy too, but I get repulsed by his womanizing character on Gossip Girl. Speaking of which, I cried watching Gossip Girl's latest episode! It's the first time I cried watching Gossip Girl, Chuck Bass, the used-to-be bad boy now breaks my heart ): But finally Blair and Chuck can be together! <3

Arh, I'm rambling. And I still didn't finish doing my math papers! Everytime I look at them, I can repulsed away, as though there's a barrier. But thankfully I don't get migraines now trying to do them. Stupid math D:

Now this post sounds like Michmich's or Jingjing's posts. I must end it xD

Home? It's only a house.

2008-12-09T21:52:00.005+08:00

This post is coded, meaning that it's personal, meaning that you probably shouldn't attempt to decode it and read it.

The following people, are however allowed to read it: Melly, Adeline and Jean.

I'm so sick of my mother. She is a selfish, heartless and bitchy to her family. I bet she treats strangers even better than the way she treats me and my dad. So she's in a bad mood. But being in a bad mood does not entitle her to come and go and trample on people close to her as she please. It does not excuse treating people without respect.

Today when she came home, I expected her to go straight to her room and watch tv dramas online again. But no, she had to make my life even more miserable before she watches her daily dramas. She blamed me for not being able to find a job, not going for the CottonOn interview (it wasn't even like I can get that job even if I do go for the interview), not making full use of my life, not buying SAT related material to read, not going to buy JC related accessment books and other kind of disgustingly unrelated things. And when I accidentally took out a wrong container to store the leftovers, she screamed at me and mockingly asked me whether I knew what a container was. Who is she to treat me like shit? I have done nothing wrong but seat at home and read fiction books and surf the net. Wtf. If she expects me to hang on to her every word and carry them out exactly the way she wants it, she's going to pay big time.

I'm just not some ragdoll that she can boss around and use her authority as a parent to her selfish advantages. I'm somebody with feelings and legitimate reason to hate her. No matter how bad her mood is, I do not deserve to be trampled on and later ignored whenever she felt like it. I am not her personal servant who is obliged to carry out her commands.

Fuck her. She's the one ruining everything and driving everyone insane in this family.

I am so sick of everything she does I just wish that she'll just lock herself up in her room forever. What a hell lot of a mother.

Brrr... Santa save me.

2008-12-08T16:02:00.004+08:00

Today is such a cold and freezing day! So cold that I need to be under my heavy blankets all day in order to keep my hands and feet warm. In order to amuse myself today, I baked CHOCOLATE COFFEE CUPCAKE. It turned out fantastically successful for once and the texture of the cupcake was just right - moist and soft.

However, I did not make the icing, because I did not stock up on whipped cream and the icing pipes just cost too much to buy ):

All these thanks the cupcake recipe book I found in the library, and now I can bake many many delicious cupcake. The book is called TEMPT Cupcakes to Excite by Betty Saw and contains numerous recipes of cheesecake cupcakes, chocolate flavoured cupcakes, fruit & nut cupcakes, yoghurt cupcakes and many many more.

Here are some of my work for you to savour on:

They look so yummy right? Haha. My dad ate two (he couldn't resist it) and me and my mum both ate one each. Maybe I'll post them up online to sell and see how the response is like :D

Who want to buy homemade rich dark Chocolate Coffee Cupcakes for Christmas? :3

B&J Chunk Fest

2008-12-07T15:03:00.003+08:00

Yesterday I went to the Ben & Jerry's Chunk Festival with Adeline and Melly just for fun. However, it was not so fun after all since we had decided to stand for more than 1hour in the mud that keeps oozing into our feet. And I got my new shoes from Charles and Keith dirty and now I'm trying desperately to clean it ))):

But apart from that, we managed to eat some of the exclusive flavours from USA. Melly had Vanilla Chocolate Chunk, Addie had that too and I had Chocolate Fudge Brownie. Vanilla Chocolate Chunk wasn't that great, because the chocolate was just broken pieces of hard chocolate, which you get tired of after a while. But I thought the Chocolate Fudge Brownie was great due to the soft chewy fudge brownie bits inside. After all, what makes Ben and Jerry's so famous is all the heavy ingredients they put in their ice cream after all. But I still think their ice cream texture is so-so as compared to the rich, creamy taste of Island Creamery. I'm still sore over why Island Creamery don't try to expland and set up more branches, because their ice cream is simply great. Besides, Island Creamery makes their own ice cream and desserts everyday, so everything there is fresh, homemade on the day you buy it (unless of course, you buy back pints of ice cream to take home). Island Creamery has one main branch at Serene Center and one at Great World City and that's about it. No matter what, I still think Island Creamery is the best ice cream I've ever tasted, even better than Haagen-Daaz.

Thanks to the mud at the chunk fest, we just grabbed our ice cream and went home and did not manage to enjoy the other fringe activites which included tarot card reading, crystal ball reading, caricaturists and body painting :/ Oh well.

Melly got sick in the middle of queuing as well and she didn't even finish her ice cream properly ): [to melly: i'll treat you to island creamery next time!]

Anyway, my maternal grandparents are finally going to come to Singapore after all and I can't wait. I probably mentioned it dozens of times, but I'm so glad they're coming cos they'll definitely help in improving the condition of my family now. I'm so SICK of my mum lately, literally. She just locks herself up in her own watching tv dramas on her computer all day and when she comes out, all she knows is to yell at people and treat me like shit and scold me over nothing. Whatever, she's such a bitch now I shall just ignore her. I hate it when she does this to people. Sure, she doesn't mean it, she'll probably forget about the incident but does she realise the damage that she inflicted on others? If she's pissed, then just don't come out her frigging room at all and stay locked up in there all day.

Sigh. I need some Island Creamery to cheer me up. I should buy dark chocolate later, it's my medicine.

Tis the season to be shopping ~

2008-12-03T13:36:00.006+08:00

Above: christmas shopping in Mumbai

Christmas is always a jolly and merry season because people know that they have a legitimate reason to spend money (: That is also why more people go broke during Christmas. This is a guide to introduce beginers to the world of online shopping, which will not only save you a lot of money during Christmas but also provide you with more gift choices.
[This blog post is an entry to Candypulp's Chirstmas Giveaway Competition]

I personally love online shopping, ever since melly introduced it to me last year, because:

1) You save money!

You can save money buying both brand new clothes of reputable brands and also buying preloved/almostbrandnew clothes from other people online.

For example, clothes purchased from FOREVER21 online will usually cost a lot cheaper than the clothes that you find in retail stores. Most of the time, I go down to the local forever21 stores to find and try on clothes that I like and then purchase them online via sprees at lj spree communities: spreesgalore, _spreee, sgspree, spreehouse etc

You can also purchase preloved clothes from other people online at sgselltrade. Most of the clothes posted online at sgselltrade are either completely brand new or was only worn 1-2 times and still kept in mint condition.

There are also numerous blogshops set up on lj selling VERY fashionable apparel at a lower prices than stores. These ljshops normally update frequently and bring their customers the latest fashion trends and sometimes even exact replicas of branded clothing at a fraction of the original price.

Some ljshops to take note of: nellyjoy, scarletroom and bonitochico - sells fashionable apparel. Their clothes are very popular and are always snapped up at soon as a new collection is launched.

Candypulp - sells apparel, accessories and cute novelty lifestyle products that everyone enjoy. I particularly like their collection from Cheap Monday and also the wide variety of bangles, bag charms and delectable mini food ear studs.

2) There is a greater variety of clothes and products online.

Firstly, you can get your hands on a lot of clothes from brands that are not common/not available in Singapore. Eg: Charlotte Russe, ASOS, Old Navy, Hollister, Aeropostale, American Apparel, Abercombie & Fitch and the highly creative graphic tee brand: Threadless. As for the brands that are found in Singapore, you normally can find a greater variety of clothes online as compared to retail stores.,

Besides clothes, you can spree for taiwanese/japanese/korean cosmetics, Lomography cameras, shoes, bags, Korean accessories and stationery, books, health and grooming products and pretty much everything else you can think of.

3) It's so convenient!

In order to shop online, you simply need to browse, select, click and pay, all done in the comfort of your own home. The items will then be delievered via post to your doorstep. You don't even need to waste your time to standing and waiting for the fitting rooms, you can simply purchase clothes according to your body measurements.

Don't worry about being scammed, because most of the spree organizers and users selling clothes on lj are registered with a feedback link so that users with more than 5 -ve feedback are banned from the community (:

And that, is why I love online shopping. It is fast, easy, cheap and convenient --- everything that you want in a shopping experience. A bit of warning though, it can get addictive and turn you into a shopaholic :D

And below's MY CHRISTMAS WISHLIST:

High waisted skirt

Leather jacket/blazer or some other smart outerwear

Clothes from forever21 or topshop

Korean 2009 planner

Happiness in my family

December. Already?

2008-12-01T20:24:00.003+08:00

I thought that I should at least make an attempt to blog today, since it's the first day of December. My life is now so hugely boring that I have nothing to blog about. And I miss hiphop dancing, it was slightly disappointing to find out that after the first MAD hiphop open class that I went to, there were no more upcoming classes.

Seriously, what do YOU guys do at home? Pent up and sit in front of the computer all day? Work? Go shopping? I need someone to play with me, badly ): I'm still desperately trying to find a job, if only my job at ajisen didn't turn out to be such a horror :/ Today I went to apply for a job at Fish & Co. and I managed to pass the interview successfully (the manager liked me!) but the thing is I may have to work at the new outlet at West Coast Plaza instead of IMM ): Oh well, desperate times calls for desperate measures.

Fish & Co. offers an on-the-job training for 3-4days, which consists of cashering, waitressing and some other roles. They do give a $45 pay at the end of the training, however, regardless of whether you get the actual job or not. The job pays $5.50/hour. Reasonable, but right now I really need a job that I can really START WORK IMMEDIATELY. Tomorrow I'm going to the interview at Long John Silver's, just in case. They pay $5/hour.

And I pray that my grandparents hurry up and fly to Singapore already! I can't wait for their arrival. I wish I had a dog or a cat so that at least I won't feel so neglected and bored at home. I'm so sick of life right now I can't wait for school to start >.<

PS: Anyone wanna call me out to play? :D

2008-11-25T00:06:00.004+08:00

I'm so bored at home now I can't wait for my job to start at minitoons. And I hope that the HR manager will hurry up and call me to confirm my job, because if she decides to call and tell me that I didn't get it, I'll scream and yell at her like a madwoman, since I spent more than 2.5hrs travelling to Eunos Ubi Techpark and back.

I just posted up my ads around my neighbourhood advertising my tuition service and I think I may be able to get around 2-3 jobs as an events model after all :D Yay! You know, those jobs pay around $50/hour $_$

Ma maison est en fait pas vraiment ma maison plus, parce que tout le monde font leur choses séparément, à cause que mes parents ont des "probleme" et je suis négligé à la maison chaque jour. Je passe mon déjeuner, manger des morceaux de pain, acheter mon dîner seule, regarder la télévision, lire des livres pour 4 heures chaque fois, juste pour tuer le temps. J'espère ma mère parler à mon père encore. Il a été depuis si longtemps qu'elle avait ri. J'essaie de me dis que ce n'est pas de ma responsabilité d'être un médiateur, et je sais au fond de mon coeur que les choses vont toujours "tomber en morceaux". Je suis malade d'être toujours d'une coincé dans le milieu, comme la colle utilisée.

J'essaie de me divertir et remplir ma vie avec beaucoup de choses à me divertir, cependant. J'essaie de faire du shopping, faire les maths et avoir une migraine, aller à la bibliothèque, allez à la danse hip-hop avec des amis, regarder 射雕英雄传, prier pour la prompte arrivée de mon yeye et laolao et essayer de me convaincre que je suis ne vivant pas un vain mensonge. Peut-être que ce n'est pas si mauvais, mes parents m'aiment toujours, juste que ... ils ne s'aiment plus.

Oh and today I went to my first treatment at Mary Chia. My mum has somehow managed to fork out $8000+ dollars to remove my hairs (: I swear I'm going to pay her back every single cent she has ever spent on me when I begin to enter the workforce. Hopefully, by the end of 6 months, I'll be permanently fuzz free. Life has little to celebrate, but there's always something there when you look hard enough.

Hip, no hop.

2008-11-19T23:25:00.005+08:00

Today I went to O school for An An's Hip Hop I open session and I left feeling embarassed and defeated. It's not that the dance moves are hard, I just have trouble looking normal with the actions and choreographed dance moves! Somehow I seem to lack a swingy relaxed movement that everyone else in the room possesses D:

Anyway, the song of today's choreo is already on my blog's playlist. Go here if you want to see the dance routine that I "learnt" today: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3wLbbywvW0

Thank god I couldn't be seen in the video, because I'll might as well crawl up into a hole and die or something. I ALREADY look weird dancing the first four beats of the choreo and basically I just look like a dumb ass who is forever forgetting the next dance move and therefore always lagging behind one beat! Ok maybe it's not that bad, but I seriously think I sucked today, compared to all those people standing in the front rows before me.

I NEED to work hard on my hip hoppish style or whatever you call it, or else I can just forget entirely about getting into MAD :/ I feel lousy now...and I still need to wake up early because I have another interview at EUNOS for the Minitoons outlet at IMM. Gosh. So much for learning hip hop and job hunting.

PS: I'm not going to say the mystery person's name with whom I went to hiphop today. I'm tired of hearing your teases, girlfriends.

Holidays are here

2008-11-17T11:16:00.002+08:00

I feel guilty for not blogging after I came back from Vietnam for so long, but I'm lazy and I still haven't uploaded my photos onto photobucket yet, so I guess you still have to wait :/

However, my first day of work of Ajisen ended with lots of drama and tears. Not literally, tears, but still there were a lot of drama from my mum, because I got scalded on my left hand by hot water by another waitress there. The first day of work at Ajisen, I realized that none of the people who work there are good tempered and they tend to scold each other loudly, which I was at first uncomfortable with...it wasn't really a very good working environment anyway and the supervisor like to bark at everyone in her sight when she's pissed (which happens every one hour). I was assigned to making drinks such as hot green tea, cool green tea, ice lemon tea etc according to the orders given to me by the waiters. The kitchen for drinksmaking is really really squeezy and I still had to share it with the people making desserts. I think it's obvious that the environment isn't really very good and to quote my mum, "it isn't worth 6 bucks per hours working there with the risk of always getting burnt". So I quit, the first day of work there and my mum forbade me from working F&B again.

I'm sending my resume to the NewBalance store at IMM and I have an interview from CottonOn tomorrow. And meanwhile, I shall post up notices advertising my tuition service and also get new events assignments.

Schedule for this week:

Monday: change my phone

Tuesday: go for CottonOn interview

Wednesday: go for hiphop

Thursday: go to pri sch gathering

Fri: attack those wretched math papers while searching for more work

Before I Fly

2008-11-07T11:19:00.003+08:00

I'm at Changi Airport now (:
It's approximately 1h20m before I fly to Ho Chin Minh City. I'm so hyped up now.

I've been wanting to blog at the airport, because the feeling before you leave your "home" country is really hard to express. It's the feeling of anticipation, excitement, slight bit of sadness and also happiness. The flight will only take less than 3 hours, I'm with all my 402 friends and other ppl now (:
I feel blessed, and I'm rambling.

Thank you for everything that "God" has given me in my life. Did I mention that I pray to my own imaginary God since I was 10 years old? I may not know what he looks like, but I'm sure his is up there, watching me, because everytime I pray to him, it works. Even though he may not always fulfil my prayers, but I trust that he is there for me. It may seem absurd for you, but I have prayed to him before when I was 10 to make my fever go away (when I was in Toronto) and my fever did go away the following day. So I believe that there's someone up there looking out for me and it gives me strength and reassurance when I feel insecure.

So thank you everyone, my friends, my family and my school (sorry that I'm being so emotional right now), I'll see you 7 days time (:

So, this is happiness

2008-11-05T22:54:00.007+08:00

Today is considered the happiest day of my life because of 3 main reasons:

i. I can now finally slack without feeling guilty because my HCL O levels is finally over! (even though the presence of 4 math papers still continues to threaten me) I hope I'll be able to get an A2 so as not to let down my mum and zuo laoshi and of course, myself. I should sometimes be ashamed that even though I'm from China, I can't even scrape an A for my EOY exam ): But I've already been conditioned to become a Singaporean already since I'm here since kindergarden...

ii. Barack Obama became the historical first black president in American history, with his wife Michelle being the first black First Lady. Even though I do not live in USA and am not an American citizen, I can't help being elated about this piece of news. Firstly, this represents that most Americans have finally accepted 'black' African Americans as their equals and have hence chosen a black president to represent their country. Secondly, I sincerely respect Barack Obama because even though he did not have previous experience regarding politics but he still stood up and fought for his dream and for his America despite his differences and difficulties. In conclusion, it's 皆大欢喜。

iii. The MAIN reason for my happiness, however, is the time spent with my closest choir friends today. Even though our beach plan is completely ruined by the heavy rain, but that did not dampen our happiness :D We first proceeded to Bugis to take neoprints (i can now have complete reason to act cute with my choppy bangs hahahaha). We spent nearly one hour plus just decorating the four neoprint pictures! :O but the results turned out superb and we had so much fun, even Huimin, haha.
After which, we went to Marina Square and walked around its huge complex until we found the bowling alley. We bought two games and Me and Leny grouped together, with Adeline and Huimin competing against us in the other group, while Xiaoyang and Jelly cheered us on xD In the end, me and leny won the game with a 10+ points lead, thanks to my beginner's luck, which managed to help me knock down 9 pins at my first go :D But after that, my luck detoriated and besides knocking down another 7 pins, the rest of my balls went into the gutter D:

Thankfully Huimin's and Adeline's balls ended up with the same fate so that's why me and leny still won them *muahahhaha*

After which, me and leny bought earrings at only 3 pairs for $5 :D They had an entire full of earrings to select from, and me being me, nearly wanted to buy 5 pairs, but ended up only getting 2 pairs so that I can share with leny's pair to make 3 pairs.

And then, we dined at a wonderful Hong Kong style restaurant that was recommended by Leny. We only ordered three meal dishes, each pair to one dish. I shared my Seafood Muifan with Adeline, while Huimin and Jelly ordered Fish Muifan and Leny and Xiaoyang ordered Cheese Baked Spaghetti with Chicken Chop. I would definitely go back to dine there again some time as the majority of the dishes only cost up to $9.90 max, which is relatively cheap given the relaxing dining environment and quick and fast service. The quantity of the food was good enough for two girls to share and it was really delicious. The Seafood Muifan contained 3 fresh prawns, spinach, fish and octopus bits and of course, rice, in delicious gravy covered with pork floss. YUM.

[Leny, you owe me peektures!]

On a serious note, I seriously do not know what I would do without my wonderful friends. At this stage of my life, I would definitely choose friends over family. Friends can become your family but you can never get some family to become your friends. Friends are the people you choose and friendships are more meaningful because they are the relationships that you helped build. I always feel extreme happiness spending time with my good friends, because they accept me for who I am, and I know that we can laugh at each other's silliness and do crazy, fun and stupid things together. They let me have confidence in myself and feel loved and cared for because I know they will always be there supporting me through thick and thin no matter what happens.

THANK YOU, MY CLOSE FRIENDS [adeline, jean, melly, jelly, xiaoyang, leny, michmich and huimin] , I LOVE YOU.

Tomorrow, I'm going to stuff my life essentials needed for 7 days into one tiny luggage because I'll be flying to Ho Chin Minh City on 7NOV, coming back on 14NOV, and starting work on 15NOV. Wish me luck and I'll bring back goodies for you guys. *muacks* :D

娃娃头

2008-11-04T13:14:00.002+08:00

I've changed my hairstyle again! Those who went for the chinese supp lesson on Monday probably saw it. Haha, sorry if I look weird with the choppy bangs, I hope they will grow out soon.

After my chinese o levels, I'll be flying for Ho Chin Minh City on friday. I hope nothing will happen to us because I heard that central and northern areas of Vietnam is currently experiencing floods. Ha said that HCM city will not be affected. Hopefully, because I'm really looking forward to my relaxing trip to HCM, as well as buy back loads of cheap goods to sell on Quaint Tea Party. And pray that they will sell this time round, because the necklaces aren't selling D:

I can't wait for tomorrow, because after my O's I can finally break free from all exams until next year (since I never sign up for french DELF exam hee) and I can go and have fun at east coast tmr with all my friends! I'll definitely post up pics of our outing tmr~

-back to mugging for now-

I've graduated!

2008-11-01T21:42:00.006+08:00

I can't believe I've graduated from Nanyang Girls' High School(on Halloween)! It didn't really seem long and I still vividly remember when I first stepped into the school. It was raining and all the sec 1s were assembled in the hall and I nearly got lost trying to find the hall, because the school compound is giant compared to my puny sized pri school.

And I'm really going to miss nanyang and all the nice people inside! It's always the people that matters the most. And I'd also like to take this chance to say a big THANK YOU to every single person in 402 because they have helped me with my schoolwork, listened to my crap, got bullied by me and also encouraged me when I was down. Special mention to(in random order):

michmich, who is there everytime to celebrate my bday for me and put up with my crap. bearbear who not only taught me chem and math, but also got nienie by me.

adeline for eating lunch with me and always encouraging me on! (your advice is REALLY good)

jean for being there for me throughout my 4 years in NY.

Jojo for going with me to all the random events that I wanna go

melly for shopping with me! :D

shiing for being high and crazy with me!

xiaoyang, ha, felisa,ann and huimin, for always eating lunch with me too!

clara for always being SO nice I feel bad about it.

ao ao for being so cute and putting up with me always patting your head (sorry, can't help it cos you're too cute ma)

And also my even more cuter JELLY in 401, for letting me nienie your baby fats :D

And those who are not mentioned above, please don't feel sad because each and every one in 402 ROCKS, seriously.

I'm really going to miss 402 a lot a lot a lot. Because we not only support each other in class and teach each other homework, we also care for everyone we meet, including our teachers and also take all schoolwork seriously and also have fun at the same time. That's the reason we won model class for 2 successive years and we can always keep on getting all the "most punctal class" awards. I don't think I'd ever get into another class that can be better than 402.

The graduation ceremony yesterday was boring but meaningful. Boring because of the long time spent in the stuffy hall watching an endless line of people walking up on stage. Meaningful because it's the last time we sang the school song as a cohort.

Our beautiful school campus. It's forever so pretty looking on the outside, no matter how you take the picture. (Even though on the inside it's all cement floors and all, but it's made pretty by the people that reside in it)

The Quadrangle where we hold our assembly every morning

The wonderful friends that I've mentioned above.

L-R: me, addie, xiaoyang, ha, felisa and ann.

Hahahaha so spastic. Jean has this amazing ability to be spastic in every photo she's in xD
And melly looks cute here ^_^

Singing the graduation song during the Grad Ceremony. As usual, my head is sticking out.

Me getting an empty scroll (that's supposed to contain the grad certificate) from Ms Sebastian. Below, the chopped off heads of my classmates. Sorry D:

The pressies I got for the day. Thank you for Jo, Cherie, Jiaqi, Clara and Mich for writing notes to me! And I totally love the nanyang graduation bear given to the sec4 cohort by our juniors. Even though it's kind of cliche to give graduation bears, but still, it's SPECIAL.

I still can't believe that I'm leaving nanyang and stepping into Hwa Chong JC section next year. It's always nice to have a change, plus there's the presence of guys to look forward to, but I'll really miss everyone... *sniff* hahahah.

2008-10-26T18:46:00.008+08:00

I went out to eat at Kushinbo, a japanese restaurant that boasts its authentic japanese buffet. It's located in the "Osaka Street" of Jurong Point, where there are A LOT of japanese restaurants inside, such as Ichiban Sushi, ToriQ, Kushinbo and a lot of others. I feel that Kushinbo's food is simply sumptious and much tastier than Sakura and I love it for its authenticity. The food has been made very carefully and meticulously by the sushi chefs there and Kushinbo also has a much larger variety of food as compared to Sakura. There are sushis, raw salmon and tuna, 3-4 types of salads, clams, mussels, oysters, tempura, 3 types of soups, teppanyaki, soba, udon and also many other types of japanese food. Of course, there is also my favourite --- a wide variety of delectable dessert including the best mochi I've tasted, many types of donuts, chocolate fondue, japanese ice cream, japanese jelly, fruits, cakes,tarts and puddings. I guess that accounts for its steep price, $26.90 per person.

Me and my family went there to eat to celebrate my mum's birthday (: (Happy bday muma!)

The sushi chefts doing their work.

This is the best chawanmushi I've ever tasted. The texture of the egg was just all right, very soft and slippery, like it can just melt in your mouth. The crab stick, chicken bits and mushroom inside was cooked to the core as well.

The wide range of donuts! I didn't eat any ): By the time I tried out the other food, I was way too full and I seriously felt BLOATED.

The wide range of minitarts! I took one of these each.

I had NO IDEA I took so many photos of the dessert section and completely forgot about the teppanyaki and tempura section! OMG I seriously have such a sweet tooth.

It wasn't long before I strted grabbing all the delectable desserts and treats. I ate them all by myself! I'm such a glutton. But most of the time, after finishing all the yummy desserts, I'm always too full to eat any more stuff ): After a sumptious meal and an incredibly bloated stomach, I bought new adidas shoes for JC next year. They have the 3 signiture adidas stripes in pink on each side of the track shoes.

Then on friday night, me and jo went to Raffles City for the FCUK event organised by CLEO. It was quite interesting I guess. There were 5 female models and 3 male models. And the three poor male models all had to put on extremely heavy makeup for the Halloween occasion. So the poor handsome guys had to become a greenfaced frankenstein, a werewolf and an injured zombie or something. But I totally dig the clothes worn by the girls. There was this white tuxedo halter top that I really like, highwaist pinstriped pants, highwaisted flare skirts and some pretty dresses. Before the fashion show, CLEO's fashion director also came down to give a workshop on how to wear black to parties.

And after the fashion show, me and jo slipped out to shop at TOPSHOP's midseason sale. I tried on the above green satin dress in their fitting room, which was on sale as well, at $99.00. Love the cute flared out bottom and the structure cut of the straps and neckline, but it's just too expensive and too short for me. F21 has a very similar lookalike going at half that price, in both black and white colours. Feel like buying one but I have no idea where I would wear it to :/

I always have the urge to splurge now...

Anyway, I hope everyone enjoyed the pictures and drooled at the food ^_^

Give me a job so i can shop

2008-10-20T16:20:00.006+08:00

My Shopping List:
- White lace frock
- Faux Leather jacket
- F21 figure 8 shift dress
- Highwaisted skirt
- F21 jumpsuit (maybe)
- F21 racerback tunic (maybe)

My Account Balance: $4900+ (of course, I can't spend everything on shopping, my mum will go bonkers if she finds out)

My income: $150 per month

I NEED MORE MONEY RIGHT NOW! Somebody give me a job!

Saturday's shopping spree with melly at orchard had been so fun! We should do it more often (: So far, I've applied to f21, cotton on, john little and some other retail firms that owns highend fashion labels like Zara, Diesel, DKNY etc. And none of them has replied. sigh.

I'm heading down to IMM later to apply at catchybag, which is a gift store like minitoons. And maybe I will go for a walkin interview at Ajisen Ramen as well, but to tell you the truth, I don't wanna get myself involved in F&B. I'm kind of disappointed that it's Ajisen Ramen that's hiring, instead of Ichiban Sushi. I want to helpout as a sales assistant breathing in the smell of clothes everyday, or maybe I can surround myself with soft squishy stuffies that I'd hug when nobody's looking, or maybe I can even be a tuition teacher to primary school kids!

Whatever it is, I just want to see more money in my bank account, which will be equivalent to more clothes in my wardrobe. Call me moneyminded or call me a clothes junkie, I just want a job NOW.

UPDATE:
I went to IMM just now and I got the job at Ajisen Ramen! Yay :D They pay $6/hr but the main thing I like about the job is that one shift is only 4 hours and there's no minimum number of days which I must work, meaning that I can still go and be an events model ^_^ I also enquired Fish&Co, but the IMM outlet is waiting for orders as to whether they are hiring or not, if they're not hiring, the nearest branch which I can go and work for is the one at Jurong Point. And Cafe Cartel is also hiring! I left my number with them.
However, catchybag is not hiring 16yearolds and Precious Thoughts are not hiring till the December holiday season.
BUT NEVERMIND! At least I got a job now! I'm going to paste notices all over my neighbourhood by this week advertising my tuition service xD

我自由啦！

2008-10-17T18:34:00.003+08:00

昨天我的考试终于正式结束了，今天整天都无忧无虑，好久没有那种感觉了。昨天在考试结束后，我和Michmich, Haidee, Qianwen and Jojo一起到Plaza Sing去看《画皮》。在观看电影之前我们到SPOTLIGHT去闲逛，它哪里买的东西真的是应有尽有。
我认为《画皮》这部电影还算不错，虽然电影中有妖魔鬼怪打打杀杀的片段，不过总的来说，电影中围绕着一个温暖的主题：爱的真谛。最喜欢的是将军在妻子佩蓉临死之前所说的一些话，我在看电影的时候不禁想如果我以后真的遇到一个可以为我牺牲生命的男人，那我真的会无比的幸福。不过我想在现实生活中，这样的情形实在不太可能。难道真的有愿意为妻子付出一切，在妻子变得如妖怪一样还深爱的男人吗？我有点不信。

画皮的海报好漂亮喔！我觉得陈坤实在好帅气哦！周迅虽然在《画皮》中演的是妖怪，不过我还是觉得她比赵薇好，因为她小巧玲珑，长得非常秀气，少了章子怡的霸气，不过演技又很不错。还是不叫喜欢周迅。哈哈。
在电影之后看到Dorothy Perkins现在有SALE。唉，实在好想购买，不过一件连衣裙还是买个60块，好贵 D：之后又到m)phosis看到那件漂亮的黑裙子，实在太好看了。不过黑色的已经卖完了，只剩下褐色，一件还卖$63.90。我以后的人生目标就是去赚大钱，从今再买喜欢的衣服之前再也不用担心价钱太昂贵，自己买不起！以后真的好想买highend的昂贵商品，如Chanel，Gucci，Prada等牌子。^_^

The End

2008-10-15T20:46:00.002+08:00

Enfin, demain sera le dernier jour des mes examens. La fin de mon école secondaire. La fin de toutes mes peines et de larmes et le début de ma liberté temporaire. Parce que j'aura le GCE O Level pour francais et chinois. Mais je suis très heureux. Je peux finalement partir de 4 ans de routine et passer en 2 ans de nouvelles routines. Ah bien, un changement est toujours bon et un changement vient toujours avec une fin à un nouveau départ.

Demain, après ma examen mathématiques, je peux aller au cinéma avec mes amis et faire ce que je veux. Je ne peux pas l'attendre!
(PS: Melly, nous devons pratiquer beaucoup de francais pendant nos vancances, d'accord? Surtout pour l'oral, je veux améliorer mon oral. Et je regrette un peu que j'ai oublié de inscrire(sign up) pour le B1. Mais je pense que je peux le faire l'année dernière.)

OMG Je suis vraiment si content (((:

Meltdown

2008-10-14T14:46:00.002+08:00

I'm so so so tired, both physically and mentally. I just feel like plopping down onto my bed, curling up to sleep and never wake up. This year's EOY felt so much more stressful and uncertain. Unlike the previous years when I can say that I can get above 72% for overall, this time I really have no idea because the school decided to pull me out of my comfort zone which I have been in for 3 years. I really don't know what kind of results I will get, and I'm worried about physics, bio and chinese. These were the papers that made me feel really sad after doing them. Sure, my friends all said the papers were hard and they had a hard time doing everything too and they claim that they did worse than me, blah blah...But I just don't feel encouraged or motivated or more comfortable. I feel like I'm in the middle of nowhere. It's like...I'm a small little pencil mark in the middle of a big vast piece of blindingly white paper...almost like I'm floating in the middle of nowhere.

Yes I know that I won't ever ever have to touch physics again next year. But that doesn't mean it's going to do miracles for my physics exam ): I feel ashamed that I can't even be certain whether I'm going to get a A1 for bio, or whether I can do well for chinese even though I speak chinese everyday with my parents, or whether I can really have a MSG of above 2.00. Right now I feel like I'm going through my emo sec 2 days all over again D: That's not good. I'm supposed to be past that already. I'm supposed to enjoy my last year in Nanyang before moving on to hc next year. My life has too many suppositions and much too many uncertainties. It makes me feel alone and insecure.

Truth is, I'm scared. I don't know what I will get and I can't even see whether I'm going to do well or not. Did I really work so hard and try my best like that time when I was 12 and sitting for the biggest exam of my life? No. So does it seem really foolish if I didn't try as hard and whine only now?
I think I'm going to lose my head soon.

I'm so fed up!

2008-10-04T18:54:00.002+08:00

ARGH. Is revising for my exams sersiously so impossible?! I'm so damn pissed now. Right from I woke up this morning until now, my considerate neighbourhood has been seriously SOOOOO cooperative =.=

In the morning, there was irritating drilling sounds. God knows why they are doing renovation on a saturday morning. After the drilling sounds ended, I have a moment of peace before there was some random neighbourhood activity that involved cheesy songs like Lao Shu Ai Da Mi, loud ambulance wails, a noisy and lame emcee and a speech by Mrs Yu-Foo Yee Shoon. And now this. Some crazy lady somewhere in my neighbourhood wailing her head off singing disgusting Hokkien songs in some opera like style, with her volume loud enough for the entire neighbourhood.

What's wrong with these people?! If they want to have an activity on a weekend, can't they at least be considerate and lower their f**king volume?!?!?!?! This is so infuriating. If that lady doesn't stop emitting noise pollution, I'm going to march over there later and give her a piece of my mind. Doesn't she understand that the entire neighbourhood does NOT need to hear her disgusting songs? People have important things like exams to prepare for!

Damn her. I'm so damn pissed now. My mum suggested going to the library this morning but all my stuff is at home and I do not want to go the lib carrying a tonne of papers :/ God, this is so shitty. This, is a good example of a "overly polite person" like what the Straits Times, Life section article mentioned. I hope that woman suffer from some gross skin disease tmr. ARGH.

No more, no more

2008-10-02T20:18:00.002+08:00

DISCLAIMER: don't read this post, it ain't meant for you.

I just want to get through this year successfully and go on to hci next year, is that so hard? Can't you just give me a little peace for once? Go somewhere, where ever, just get out of this house if you want to yell. Damn you stupid people.

I'm really really trying so hard everyday, can't you see me struggle you? Why don't you try being me for one day? People always expect me to be clever and do well and live up to their expectations or whatever shit. YOU KNOW WHAT?! That is not MY expecatations. So quit expecting. I won't do as you say. I live my life the way I want it to be. I decide whenever and whatever I do. So you just scram and stay out of it. Quit meddling my life and making it worse. Quit sulking all day long. Quit yelling at me. You f**king dumb shit.
Parents are stupid and childish. They should never ever have kids if they still behave like kids everytime and squabble over stupid things. Screw you and screw your worthless job. Keep your big mouth shut when you don't even have any abilities at all. Damn you.

Please. NO MORE. NO MORE! i.cant.take.this.shit.

One down, Six more to go

2008-09-24T17:10:00.003+08:00

I just had my latest LA exam papers today...I screwed up the conclusion of my expository essay due to time constraints...I had only written a faible one-liner plus a grand example of the great Hillary Clinton, instead of summing up my argument, which I know exactly how to do, after the exam. After the SRQ, at first I thought that I did ok, but then I kept thinking about how the way I argued and rebutted the views of the writer...and the more I thought about it, the more insecure I became. I think I'm just like an insecure kid who has lost her blankie ): There wasn't a time in my life when I felt so confident, I can prove everyone wrong...my mum says that that's not good. But what do I do? I grew up with people telling me the right way to do things, not with people encouraging me for my wit or creativity. But I'm glad the exam's over...now I can happily contemplate new clothes to purchase on f21, which I've fallen in ♥ with.

After the exam, i went to Sumo House with Haidee, michmich and ao ao for a meal of economic japanese food, but in AMK. I spent around 50minutes getting home :/ But anyway, happy early bday ao ao! My wish for you is that you grow taller but remain cute!

I had wanted to blog yesterday about the delicious chocolate cake I ate yesterday right before I plunged into revision for LA, but there was no time. So here it is! The BIG MOIST DELICIOUS YUMMY SCRUMPTIOUS CHOCOLATEY CAKE: 昨天不知为什么突然想吃巧克力蛋糕。也许是因为在回家的路上看到美食节目，也许是因为自己太久没有尝到巧克力的香浓味道，所以索性到IMM买了一个价值3.20的Four Leaves 巧克力蛋糕。

五分钟后的残局：Goodbye you little quivering tower of chocolate, fats and calories! (:

巧克力总是能让我的心情好，不管自己有多么伤心，吃了巧克力不吃了止痛药还强。我想，如果我的日后男友突然送上一大盒高档的夹心黑巧克力的话，我会有75%的机会当场爱上他，因为我实在禁不起巧克力的诱惑！如果买不到黑巧克力的话，带我去f21或者topshop买一圈东西也不错，嘿嘿。

今天的天气实在是诱人的清爽，终于不用担心LA了！不过更可怕的噩梦其实还在后头 ):

My Current Obsession: Zakka

2008-09-22T19:59:00.003+08:00

I've rediscovered my childhood toys through Zakka!
What is Zakka?
In Japan, all the 'small, various products used in everyday life' are commonly called 'zakka,' a term which encompasses household goods, daily necessities and sundries. However, zakka has also come to represent a style of art and craft that is simple, charming, and of Japanese asthetic. Most items in the zakka style should be handmade to create that quirky, fun and homey feeling.

I like it a lot because it's cute, quirky and one of a kind, which makes the entire concept very YOUnique. ^_^ I think I miss being a child too much, so these little handicrafts seem very attractive to me. I really really wish to go back to the beginning, when I was two. It was time when I was cute, innocent and carefree, when I didn't have to worry about anything in my life at all, because it was all taken care of. I miss reading Enid Blyton's short stories, I used to be able to go through one book a day when I was 8. I miss reading Roald Dahl's crazy stories - James and the Giant Peach, The Witches, Matilda...when the nonsense inside made sense to me at a young age. I miss waking up naturally everyday. I miss going to the zoo...it's sad to think that these are the things that I may never ever get the chance to do again. I always thought that children were actually much more sensible than adults. (Read Le Petit Prince in english if you haven't.)

Here are some really cute and quirky things that are considered "zakka":
Shown above: Arigurumi crochet bear, a branch under zakka.
Zakka style gallery: http://urbandebris.typepad.com/photos/zakka_style_gallery/
Vonvonz handmade plushies: http://flickr.com/photos/vonvonz/sets/72157600276439236/?page=1

Anano's bears (c'est dans francais!) http://www.anano.net/

Now zakka crafting is definitely on the top of my to-do list after EOYs! (: That's all, now I shall get back to preparing for the LA EOY on wednesday *sigh*

Random Doodles in my Head

2008-09-17T17:58:00.004+08:00

Il faisait tres chaud aujourd'hui. Je ne supporte pas le temps de Singapour, il change trop vite. Quand je marchais à la maison, je me suis senti comme ma peau était brûlé. ): Mais je suis heureuse parce que c'est c'est la première fois cette année que j'ai arrivé chez moi avant 3pm! Oui je sais, ma vie est tres triste.

(English translation: It's very hot today. I cannot stand the weather of Singapore, it changes too quickly. When I was walking home today, I felt like my skin was being burnt ): But I'm happy too because it's the first time this year that I reach home before 3pm! Yes, I know, my life is very sad.)

Today, the people from Nanyang Kindergarden came again, complete with two little tots, to appeal to the sympathy of Nanyang girls for us to donate money to them so that they can expand their kindergarden and build more facilities. They have already raised 2.6 million, but it's still very much short of their target, 5.5 million. Seriously, 5.5 million. They need that much of a sum to "rebuild" their kindergarden! :O
When I was small, I simply went to a kindergarden at a community centre, ran by 4-5 teachers. I think there were around 30+ kids. And I turned out better than just OK. Apparently parents now want their children to advance like the speed of technology and get a headstart into an elite family of schools at the age of 3 =.= (Speaking of which, I managed to get a good grade for my expository on elitism today. Don't ask me how though, even I don't know.)

And the thing I hate most is the donation cards. I have already done two donation cards this year >.< The first, was one for the charity organization which runs shelters for the homeless/abused. That was for my choir CIP. The second, was one for Connect Singapore, in which we were told to raise funds for "youth development", aka raise funds for the development of ourselves. Totally lame. I ended up digging 4 crumpled $2 from my own pocket. And now this. No offence, but I completely hate these donation cards, because they simply make use of students to literally give free money! Although they advocate you to raise funds, but I'm sorry, my social circle is very limited, I cannot always ask the same people to donate again and again. Furthermore, these donation cards are not effective at all as a means of CIP, because there is zero community involvement or interaction with the less fortunate and it is not a very meaningful way of helping others.I'm sure money is the way to go when it comes to charity, but if you want students to develop a sense of compassion for their fellow Singaporeans, I'm sure volunteering would be a hundred times better than "raising funds".

So why do we have to raise funds for Nanyang Kindergarden? They have not done anything for us in the past. It's like one of those distant friends that never really talked to you before, until suddenly one day, they just pop back up and pester you to help do them a favour. I guess most people will just end up breaking their own piggy banks again. I'm not trying to make a mountain out of a molehill, just that I'm very sick and kind of disgusted by these donation cards.

Blerh, I'm sick of doing countless exam papers too. Screw the education system.

好郁闷哦

2008-09-10T20:02:00.003+08:00

Note: this posts contain a lot of radical thoughts. Reading at your own risk, don't slam me for posting such stuff please.

小时候渴望自己长大，盼着十六岁的到来；现在十六岁的自己，却一点都不兴奋。
小时候酷爱学校，现在痛恨学校，爱死同学。
小时候天天精力旺盛，现在天天无精打采。
不知日后的自己，会飘到哪里，变成什么样子。如果没有变化的话，我可能会活活被憋死。
其实……想这么多都是因为目前的生活太郁闷了。

咳。实在受不了了。现在我的生活只有一个宗旨：像狗一样工作。天天无目标，纯粹就是耗日子，我好怕。我怕自己失去学习的动力，最后被留学。这次的年终考试占全年的50%，万一考不好，就是前功尽弃了。今天拿到了法语预考的成绩实在差强人意，我才拿了一个B3，不够好。明天还得到学校求情，让他们不把预考的成绩放进成绩册。如果学校不同意的话，我就马上退出，停学。幸亏我不是唯一的一个人。在这种时候不能随便拿了一个B就不管，我不可以牺牲我其他科目的总成绩。也不是我不喜欢法语，就是学得太累了。现在我每天都需要吓自己，才能让我更抓紧学习，我好象变成了一个学习魔。好悲惨也好惭愧自己的生活竟然这么无聊。

今天收到了Grad Mag，看到了Mr Kuo 写的一句话，让我哭笑不得：Life is too short to be stuck behind books. Live long and prosper. 我呸！难道你要替我作功课不成？实在太可笑了，要写也写的现实一点嘛。学生天天象行尸一样还不是这个学校害的，亏你还当自己是老师。

恨不得马上考完一切的考试，赶快去度假期。现在的生活让我的心一天比一天的沉重，好像真的有一股阴性的压力压着我的心脏似的，好累哦。我喘不过气。

My Current Obsession: Lomography, Mooncakes and Cute Diaries

2008-09-05T12:47:00.005+08:00

Obsession 1: LOMOGRAPHY!
Ok, lomography is just a commercial trademark of Lomographische AG, for products and services related to photography. But what makes them so special from the rest is that they emphathize casual snapshop photography, the "don't think, just shoot" idea. Lomo produced a lot of cameras that can give very interesting artistic effects such as distortion, multiple exposures, long exposures, vignette effect and saturated colours.

Popular Lomo cams include: Diana range, Holga range, Lomo LC-A, vivitar, Polga etc.

My favourites:

1. Diana+/Diana F+/Diana Dreamer (uses 120 film in medium format)

The Diana was created in Hong Kong in the 60's, back then it was made entirely of plastic (and very cheap too!). The Diana is famous for its soft & dreamy images, super-saturated colors, unpredictable blurring, and random contrast. Shown above in the pic is Diana+. Diana F+ comes with a big flashbulb, while Diana Dreamer is about the same but with a better ability to take long exposures and comes in an even prettier plastic body.

Description of Diana+ from Lomo website: Features include 2 shutter speeds: one for day and one for night; the ability to shoot multiple or partial (overlapping) exposures; two image sizes for 12 square shots or 16 square shots on a roll of film; new Pinhole function: remove the lens, set the aperture to a super-small pinhole and shoot a super-wide-angle, severely old-school image through a tiny hole; new endless panorama function: shoot a long, concurrent, and unlimited panoramic image, with almost no space between each individual frame.

2. The Holga 135/Holga 135BC (uses 35mm film)

Holga 135BC can shoot unlimited multiple exposures (Layman: overlapping of different photos) on the same frame. If you wanna see the pros work with their Holgas, go here: http://community.livejournal.com/filmsg/152039.html#cutid1

There's also the famous Fisheye cams, which will distort images into a circular shape and curve straight lines to focus on the object in the middle. But I'm not really a big fan of that...you can google it if you want to (:

I.WANT.A.DIANA+.CAM.SO.BADLY. I think it costs around S$100 :/

Obsession 2: Mooncakes! (esp snowskin ones) I went shopping for mooncakes with my mom at Jurong Past on Wed and we bought two boxes of mooncakes, a box of snowskin mooncakes from Bakerzin and a box of unconventional 莲蓉蛋黄核桃酥 mooncakes.

This is the packing of the Bakerzin box. The colours used are pretty cool and modern, the design of the box is minimal and sleek. No more red or pretty girls dressed in cheong sums. I guess with a breakthrough in traditional mooncakes flavours, you won't ever find tradition mooncake packaging too.

Open it up and you'll find Eight Mini Snowskin Mooncakes. 4 Flavours. $38.90. Flavous include Yam, Sweet Potato, Green tea Macha with Red Bean and Orange. They also had a "champagne" range, where there will be a wine truffle wrapped in chocolate in the middle of each mooncake. That will cost you $44.95.

I find the flavours of the Bakerzin mooncakes quite innovative, and not too sweet. It is nice to have some red beans inside the macha green tea mooncake and the flavouring of the yam mooncake is very original and yummy. The orange mooncake, on the other hand, besides coloring and flavouring, it also has a strong zesty orange. Maybe it's because of the real orange peel rinds inside the mooncake. The sweet potato one is just right (:

This is the packaging of the "unconventional" mooncake. Very ordinary packaging though, with some hint of traditional labels on it. Open it up and you'll find these cute looking mooncakes. They look like little sandcastles, with "seashells" stuck to their sides. I find the mooncake quite tasty, because of its crispy exterior layer. The "eggyolk" inside the mooncake is quite small and the lotus paste is your usual taste. One thing I don't like is that it's slightly too oily, you can taste the lard inside if you eat a whole mooncake. I guess that's the difference between a box of mooncakes costing $38.90 and another box costing $25.00.

Obsession 3: Cute Diaries!
这就是为什么韩国产的日记卖得那么贵。在新加坡网站上买$24。不过日记中的图片非常可爱，像一本儿童书，颜色也很鲜艳美丽。我希望今年去越南的时候可以找到这样的日记或者记事本。

Il fait froid aujourd'hui

2008-09-03T18:03:00.009+08:00

Il fait tres froid aujourd'hui, je pense c'est parce qu'il pleuvait depuis l'apres-midi. J'ai fermé toutes les fenêtres pour arrêter le vent d'entrer. Mais j'ai toujours froid ):

(English translation: It's very cold today, I think it's because is has been raining since afternoon. I closed all the windows to stop the wind from entering. But I'm still cold.)

This is what I ate for lunch today. I think the colours go together very well. I originally wanted to make it a Lomo effect again, but decided not to and keep it natural. There's chopped up long beans, beef and carrots, two steamed prawn rolls and some japanese rice. Oh, and a peach. It's the last one in my house ): I hope you're drooling right now ^_^

This was what I ate yesterday: GREEN BEAN PANCAKE! 绿豆饼！好吃好吃太好吃，第一次吃到这么好吃的炸绿豆饼！里头的绿豆是整的，完全没有加工过，就是因为它的原汁原味才能吃出绿豆的香浓味到。普通的绿豆饼用的都是已经加工好的绿豆酱，吃进嘴里的都是假的绿豆味道（还有很多糖）。真正的绿豆是没有味道的，不过有很浓浓的口感。

Oh and a lot of you have been requesting pictures of the F21 Chiffon Floral Dress that I bought, so here it is (: [Click here for the related post]

I only bought it because of its adorable ruffles and floral print. I simply fell in love with the print! I've always wanted a floral printed dress like that, and I've been oogling at floral dresses online from Topshop and F21 etc for a very long time, and now finally I've got it (:

Oh and today I think a lucky star fell upon me, because I finally got a freebie from a lucky draw that I entered online! For the record, I've never gotten a freebie from any of these kind of lucky draws before, unless you count getting hampers at CC lucky draws when I was small...so I was pleasantly surprised when I received a notification email from askCLEO!

"Dear AskCleo.com Member,
Congratulations! You have won for yourself a Benefit Benetint."

When I first saw the email, my mouth literally hung open and I was praying that it better not be a prank email. THANK YOU CLEO! Omg, a Benefit Benetint, Benefit Benetint (say it fast), I'm so happy :D

待会儿，我可能去Jurong Point买冰皮月饼，我的最爱。有点儿等不及了，今年的月饼口味似乎又增加了50%，有什么草莓巧克力口味，香槟巧克力口味，红毛榴莲口味，莲蓉松子口味……我看我都要调不过来了。不过我想最喜欢的还是水果口味的吧。*陶醉* :3

Ouch ):

2008-09-02T17:16:00.005+08:00

I'm seriously so unfortunate!

Yesterday, I accidentally bumped my foot against the edge of the door and scraped a chunk of skin off. It's slightly smaller than a 1cent coin. And now, I have raw flesh exposed to the air full of floating bacteria. And my toe is now basically just rotting away, with gross liquid coming out. Clever me ._. I hope it gets well before school reopens. Or else, I'll have a lot of difficulty getting around ))):

Grah, forget about it, let's post some happy photos! :D

Oh and since I've joined a community on lj on foreign language journals, so I need to post stuff in french and chinese more frequently now for those new readers. *waves*

我刚刚在礼品店“Minitoons” 买到的改正液！非常可爱对吧。上面的镜子让你在无聊的课堂里照镜子，自恋。哈哈。今天除了早上去学校学习之外，下午的时间又被我给浪费掉了。咳，照这样下去，我的年尾考试肯定泡汤了。

在楼下看到的猫咪。不是今天照的，已经好多天前了。自从照了这些照片以后就再也没有看到这些猫咪。有点失望。嘿，可爱吧。Michmich, I bet you're SO jealous.

今天下午的时间花在了这个网站上：http://www.acres.org.sg/ 发觉到新加坡动物园其实不是我想象的那么美丽。小时候经常去动物园玩，看过北极熊、动物表演……也有和几个月大的小猩猩照过相，不过小时候根本都没有想到动物园其实在虐待它们。ACRES 说动物园虐待北极熊，让它们在一个热带国家中存活，导致它们感到非常不安与不自然，身上还因此长了许多青苔。怪不得小时候觉得很奇怪为什么它们的毛发不是我在电视看到的一样雪白。ACRES 也说动物园把许多多余的小猩猩或者与游客曾经照过相的猩猩遗弃在印尼。在那里，他们只有一个小笼子住，很可怜。表面看起来好看的东西其实都有残酷的幕后工作。

好悲惨。不过我想动物多数的时候都是要被人欺负或者虐待，应为他们不会讲话。也是因为人太自私了，我们觉得我们的智慧与能力超于所有的生物。就凭着这一点，人就会毫无犹豫的屠杀动物，拆掉他们的家园，随便污染环境。没办法。有些人就是这么没有头脑。不过我希望的是更多的学生与小孩可以通过新的教育，改变他们对大自然与生物的想法。如果真是这样的活，相信我们还能在这个地球上活个几百年。

I hate septembers

2008-08-30T23:37:00.005+08:00

Septembers marks the opening of term 4, where all the exams will start. This time Language Arts start on 29 SEP if I'm not wrong. My whole sept "holiday" will be dedicated to doing past year papers and revision ws 24/7 (excluding sleeping time and slacking time). And hopefully I can control myself properly enough not to waste my time away.

Today I went to Vivocity with my family and busted $53 on a FOREVER21 chiffon floral dress. *sobs* Please don't label me as being materialistic! I originally didn't want to buy the dress, my mum encouraged me to, because she thinks she I shouldn't keep on saving money in my bank account because it's not worth it. Inflation is like 6.5% and the bank interest only gives less than 1%. In fact, I think it's even lesser than 0.5%. It's so measly. So my mum wanted me to buy that dress, cos she knows that I like it. Her principle is: it's better buying an expensive dress when you like wearing it and is happy when you wear it everytime. Maybe it's true, but i'm still kind of sore over buying it ):

$53. I can buy 3 dresses online or maybe 4 different tops. Maybe if I find post a pic of the dress here, you'll see why i bought it...BUT i still wanna buy other tops and dresses from forever21 and sgst...saw something really cute on sale. I'm such a clothes junkie D:
My mum believes that I'm a miser, that I tend to save up frequently and always being calculative D: Is that true? I like seeing the amount of money I have in my bank account, seeing them sitting there silently makes me happy, and occassionally when I spend around $20-$30 buying clothes online, I won't feel so guilty.

After all, I need to save up, since I don't earn any direct income. I just managed to deposit $120 into the bank after saving up since january. Now nearly half of that amount is gone. SIGH. I think money needs to be used occassionally to buy things to spoil yourself for all the hard work you've taken to save them up. But spending an extravagant amount over something that is not proportional to your personal income is bad. So that is why I want to grow up earning more money so that even if I buy a few clothings costing over $100, I won't feel so miserable. I want my estimated future income to exceed $7000! And my EOY holiday plan is to GET A JOB. I'll most probably work as a sales assistant, as a tutor to primary sch kids or as a events model(ie help out at events). I shall earn $1000 this holiday! $_$

Thinking of all these makes me a little dizzy. Money is really the root of all problems :/

Goodbye Beijing 2008, Hello London 2012

2008-08-26T21:25:00.003+08:00

For the past two weeks, I've been watching olympics transmissions on my cable tv everyday after school. It's the activity that I look forward doing the most. It's the highlight of the day. After watching the nice competitions and cheering for China, I'll log on the to official olympics website to check out the entire day's medalists, the medal ranking, the day's events and results and the following day's competitions. During weekends, it's a near full day of olympics watching, with me doing bits of random homework in between.

Of course, during the entire Beijing Olympics, there were certainly a lot of highlights, not to mention our two olympics icons - Michael Phelps and Usian Bolt. And also, Liu Xiang's disappointing withdrawal from 110m Hurdles that sparked great controversy and also Team Singapore finally won a silver medal in table tennis team women's team event after a 48 years wait. Of course, I can't forget the night when Guo Jingjing, Lin Dan, Zou Kai, Xiao Qin and China women table tennis team all won gold medals respectively and I heard the Chinese anthem being played 5 times. Oh and this time, both Men's and Women's team gymnastics gold medals were taken by China (: And to sum everything up, China topped the medal ranking with 51G 21S 28B, a total of 100 medals!

Now, after the olympics, I do not know what to do. I have nothing more to look forward to each day ): You can say that I'm suffering from the post-olympics syndrome. Sigh. I think London 2012 will be very very very different from Beijing Olympics, because there's just too much cultural difference. It can be seen in the 8min performance by London performers during the closing ceremony. They had several hip hop dancers, a classical looking London red bus, that transformed into a small stage with Leona Lewis crooning away and Jimmy Page playing the electric guitar, turning the entire performance into a pop concert with not much meaning in it and then finally ending with David Beckham kicking off a football and me going "HUH?" No offence, but I seriously did not see what they wanted to portray in that 8min performance. I certainly hope that the opening ceremony of London Olympics will not turn in a pop concert. I think olympics performances should always portray a message. Most of the time it should be the theme of that current olympics, the history/culture of the host country, the praisal of sportsmanship, perserverance, tears, laughter, one world coming together regardless of race etc. Not really so much of our modern, materialistic, high tech world, if you get what I mean...

They're playing Singapore vs Korea women's team semis again on starhub. Actually I think Singapore was able to get a medal because of the following things:
(i) They were lucky. They did not face any Asian countries at all before the semis. They faced USA, Nigeria and Netherlands. What would happen if they had faced Nouth Korea, South Korea, Hong Kong or even China during the semis or before the semis? I think their chances of getting a medal will be much lower.
(ii) For the first time in table tennis, men's doubles, women's doubles and mixed doubles were omitted (I think it's due to China's dominance in the sport) and these competitions were all replaced by TEAM COMPETITIONS. Without team competitions, Singapore will definitely not be able to get a medal in women's table tennis, because it will be what happened during the women's singles this time. Li Jiawei of Singapore was the only player lucky enough to get into semis, with the rest of the other 3 players being all from China. If Singapore is against China, I can say without thinking that China will win. That is only because their standard is high enough for me to be so confident.
(iii) In the end, it's all China v. China anyway because all of the players from Singapore were recently "bought" from China, with Wang Yuegu and Feng Tianwei just getting their Singapore citizenships recenly this year.

But, I think they still fought hard and I can say that I'm happy for their achievements. But, I'm happier for Zhang Yining ^_^
Oh, not to mention for Lin Dan as well. Me and aoao are just going hua chi over him. We love to read his blog and oogle at his shuai and cute photos xD Lin Dan is so cute! His spiky hairstyle (爆炸头型) and his way of controlling each game is just absolutely stunning! Yay ♥ 超级丹! The only thing I do not understand about him is why he likes Xie Xingfang so much. LOL.

Wonderful World of Colours

2008-08-07T18:22:00.008+08:00

A SMILE A DAY #4
Took photos of the fruits that I ate for the past two weeks with my 2.0 megapixel hp cam and came up with these rather artistic photos after tweaking them with my photoediting tool. The effects were better than I thought it would be...this just only heightens my interest in photography.

I feel that taking photos of your daily life is an enriching and surprising process...because through the lens of a camera, you always find new and pretty things that you've never know to appreciate in your daily life. Well I guess photography is my current obsession now...with everything going on in my family, photography diverts my attention to more pretty things. And most importantly, I enjoy it and it's makes me HAPPY. Besides, photography of this kind doesn't require you to be a professional, nor does it require you to invest any kind of money in it. PLUS, hopefully it can increase my blog's hits and number of new visitors :P With money being tight now, I must always remind myself to save save save (not that i spend that much a month anyway).

Cherries in a bowl.
I love cherries because they're juicy, fleshy, sweet and sour. The dark skin colour makes it look exotic...I wish they had a shade of nail polish that's exactly like these cherries skin on the market. I'd be the first to snap it up.
Edited using vignette and Lomo effects, and then adjusting the focal points of the image to make some of the cherries look like as though they're being thrown up in the air and in motion.

The Golden Balls
These are apricots that my mom bought back from NTUC for $6.90 for a small punnet ):
But they taste deliciously and heavenly good, sweet and fleshy, far better than the packaged dried apricots, even though the dried ones are not bad too.
Edited using a posterize effect first to give a gradient on the skin of the apricots, then used cross processing to bring out the unusual colours of the photo (tint of the glass container has been tweaked as well). Finally, I did a Orthon effect, which is to make the entire photo, esp the apricots glow.

Last Half Standing

This one is mainly manipulated by using the Focal B&W effect, to contrast the half eaten apricot with the rest of the two. Slight cross processing and Orthon effect is also applied here. That's all, folks.

Nice diversion for me to stop thinking about my stupid test results >.<My best wishes to Liu Xiang, China Men and Women Gymnastics Team, China Men and Women Table Tennis Team and all other chinese atheletes! Also anticipating the exciting performances of the swimming and track and field competitions.

(P.S: Jingjing! If there's time, lemme see your cool DSLR next time! It sounds so cool @_@)

Think simple

2008-08-03T14:58:00.006+08:00

Humans are weird, insecure, scheming, complicated characters. We like to constantly invent new things so that we can get things done our own way or just to amuse ourselves or to grab the attention of others. We like to constantly buy things so that we can show off to other people who have nothing better to do, that we are well off. We buy big houses, big cars, high end clothes, shoes and bags and women wear a mask of high end makeup to make themselves look prettier. And inside those big houses, we like to fill them up with designer furniture and lots and lots of other junk that we don't really need. In order to constantly keep up with technology, we buy new electrical appliances, use them a couple of months, then throw them away when new toys come out to replace the old ones.

I would like to live a day without constantly worrying about my face, my hair, my clothes or the way I carry myself. I'd like to think that people doesn't judge others solely by their appearance. Yesterday night, I went out at 10pm dressed in a oversized brown sec3 class tee with a drawing of a monkey at the back and wore a pair of old sports shorts and ran around 2.6km on the running tracks snaking around my flat. I had my hair tied up in a messy ponytail and wore scruffy school shoes (cos i couldn't find my running shoes). After running, I found my favorite stray cat and sat with her on a drain cover. And guess what? I was happy. I was happy just sitting there in the dark on the dirty drain cover, with the cat rubbing itself happily against my legs. I was happy just petting the cat and I could tell that the cat was happy as well because it was purring and I was just there, in my own world until my mum came around and discovered me sitting there and dragged me away cos she said both the cat and the drain cover were dirty. So what if I'm dirty? So what if I'm not as glamorous or as rich or as pretty or as smart as the society wants me to be? I was happy. And I didn't have a single cent achieving that happiness. And let me ask those people who tried so hard trying to please others all their lives, those people who competed with others for bigger houses, bigger cars....let me ask YOU: are you happy?
Maybe at the end of your life, you look back and think: what have I truely achieved in my life? And you couldn't think of anything significant...because all the while we are empty.
(Yes I do love the song you're listening to now)

Now I feel like watching the movie, the pursuit of happyness. Sebby showed it to us again last friday and I wonder if we're going to continue watching it. But until then, I still didn't do my math ws yet D: I wished that the whole world believes in ultarlitarian principles. Then we won't have to do anything that we don't like ^_^

P.S: I had a french visitor after I posted "Une fleur dans l'orage". Merci beaucoup pour votre visite à mon blog! J'espère que plus des gens de France pouvoir me visite!
请你跟我一起期待北京奥运会的到来! 还剩5天!
Please join me in my countdown for the Beijing Olympics! Only 5 more days!
And apparently the PM is going to deliver his national day speech on that day too. No offence, but I think people would rather watch the glorious opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympics than to listen to him talk about Singapore's future and the problems we face, because a) the Olympics opening ceremony will make not only Chinese but Asians around the world proud, b) the performance is going to be fantastic and majestic and everything good that I can think of and c) the Olympics only happens once in 4 years.

Hmmm, do you think Singapore can get a medal this time round? Or will that bubble dream be burst again? Because the thing is, for every single Olympics, the media has been saying "Li Jiawei gets into semifinals; Singapore's dream of a medal may be realised" or something along those lines...and in the end, we get disappointed everytime. Give me your thoughts on my tagboard! (:

Une fleur dans l'orage

2008-07-31T18:03:00.003+08:00

Somebody tell me to stop eating so much junk!
Today was just the 2nd day of my experimental dieting and I've already went against my own promise and ate extra junk food. I don't understand which part of my brain keeps on sending signals for me to eat eat eat.
After a sandwich and a cup of sliced watermelon during lunch, I went to buy famous amous cookies after school and then went home and cooked up 6 onion rings for myself using virgin olive oil(since there were no oil left in my house). Ate the onion rings with ketchup, wanted a glass of milk but thankfully, there were no more left too. Raided the fridge and discovered that there were nothing left for me to eat(no fruits, no veggies) and managed to resist the temptation of grabbing another packet of biscuits. OMG. (Jingjing save me! I'm infected with your disease too.)

J'espère que je peux devenir une fleur dans l'orage. Une fleur que sera tenant toujours, après l'orage. A flower that is still left standing after the heavy storm will be the prettiest and strongest flower ever. No matter where the wind blows or how the rain beats or how the lightning and thunder crack, under the open sky in a vast field of grass, the last little flower standing will always be the prettiest. I need to be that little flower. 微微的小花一定要为爱它的人绽放着！I need to concentrate and focus everything in preparation for EOYs and stop wasting my time blog-hopping or falling asleep during boring bio lessons or disgusting AMC competitions.

我想, 偶尔我们也应该骗一下自己，这样才会变得更坚强。

Not worth turning back

2008-07-30T21:32:00.002+08:00

You said today was the 100th day anniversary since the passing away of my yeye. You went out and bought incense, paper money, mourning flowers and whatnot simply for that. You light the incense and the smoke made me cringe...The smell, it brings gloom to this house. You want me to do the same. I'm sorry if I hurt you when I turned you down. I cannot bring myself down onto my knees and offer incense to a person that I do not want to remember. I cannot bring myself to look at my deceased yeye's picture and pretend that I miss him when I do not. I simply hope he continues to be peaceful and that's it. I'm sorry.

I do not understand. I don't understand why you do the things you do, why you had to put pictures of only your side of the family in the study and look at them everytime you walk past and the disgusting rotten oranges you brought back from China from my yeye's funeral. I do not understand why you cannot just put things aside and stop flipping through the old pages of your memories. I do not understand why you have to burn paper money and pollute the environment when our family doesn't even believe in that at all. What is gone is gone, nothing you do will bring it back, do you understand? So why not you try to spend more time THINKING about your actual family members that lives under the same roof with you instead of calling back every single week back to the people that I'm now starting to dislike in China?

Please. Don't make me do things I dislike to do. Don't make me pretend. I do not want to remember somebody who I don't really know, despite him being related to me by blood. But what I do know, is that this same person was one of the main reasons why I had to be sent to nursery boarding school when I was 4/5 years old. And I hate him(them) for it.

Look at ME. I'm here. Look at MOM. She's here too. We're your family. Even though sometimes we're cranky women, but we're part of the family YOU helped to set up. You have the responsibility for us more than you have responsibility for the family in China, even though I think it's highly unlikely that you ever acknowledge or even realise that. Please. Just stop this and drop it once and for all. I understand that he's your dad, and he's my yeye but I feel that it is respectful enough to remember the deceased once a year, because all those things are just not worth turning back.

(Previous related post here)

ZOUK Beatnik Party (Night Fest II)

2008-07-28T19:23:00.008+08:00

Today was cross country...for the first time, I got the role of a student helper so I didn't need to walk/run. I went to watch THE DARK KNIGHT with qianwen and bearbear after cross country and I must say that I am really falling in love with batman! I used to be a big spiderman fan...I had watched every single spidey movie on the big screen once it was out. But now after watching batman, I've realised that batman has a much stronger plot with more complicated and scheming characters(villians) as compared to spidey. Every spidey movie is always:

1) New villian formed

2) Villian wreaks havoc and spidey tries to stop him but nearly dies

3) Spidey tries to save his girlfriend (the girl is always held hostage like 90% of the time)
4) Spidey wins! Villian dies and spidey and his girlfriend kisses

But Batman is different! Batman is about the fight between good and evil, it contains many issues like the concept of justice in people, the concept of heroes and whether it is morally correct to spy on every person via there mobile phones and invade their privacy in order to find the bad guy. The complicated plot involving all these plus Batman's love, Rachel Dawes, makes the movie more interesting, deep and dark. Batman is more realistic because he relied on all his cool scientific gadgets, instead of sheer superpower like spidey. PLUS: I am totally in love(or maybe creeped out) by the portrayal of The Joker by the late Heath Ledgers, because it is very very very very X10^99 good. The way he talks, the way he carries himself is all very alike to what was depicted in the comic. The Joker does not want money, he just wants to be a terrorist that creates chaos to the people of Gothem City. He wants to prove that Batman is a freak, just like him, and that the so-called civilised people in Gothem are actually not civilised at all in desperate times. He wants so show that people are evil and selfish deep inside their hearts but he had only half succeeded(he turned Harvey into a monster but his stupid social experiment on the two ships had failed). I am so going to be looking forward to the third sequel. Meanwhile, read this analysis on The Dark Knight:
http://actionfilmscomedies.suite101.com/article.cfm/a_film_analysis_of_the_dark_knight

Anywayyyyy, the Zouk beatnik party wasn't as wild or as high as I thought it would be, even though the breakdance bboy battles were extremely cool and the MC Battles extremely vulgar =.= Me and jojo had to go instead with a red wristband on our wrist because we were 16 only.

The bboy crews were pretty good, I didn't expect singapore to have such good breakdance performancers, but their footwork, freezes and tricks were all very "WOW".

Here are the pictures and one video. The pictures were blurry because the dancers were simply moving way too fast for me to get a clear and good picture ): The lighting in the video sucked as well...I guess you'd just have to make do!

The party was hosted by Masia One, a Singapore born Toronto based MC. Shown here is her highing on her own D: HAHAH...the audience was sadly, only high when she was throwing out free CDs. And next to her is DJ Coldflow. I think he spins pretty well.

One of the graffiti art pieces. I think this one won the 2nd place. (Edited with Lomo effect again :P)

Bboys battle for 3rd and 4th place.

Bboy "sunshine" showing off his tricks. Just look at the blurr of the legs...I think that he had the fastest footwork in all the other competitors.

SMU hip hop dancers gives a satisfying performance (:

DJ Shortkut spinning...people at the front of the stage going a little high, while people at the back stones and watches. I was in the middle, so I just danced a little bit.

Overall, the party was only so-so...I had expected a more "high" crowd, with more crazy partying, so I was a little disappointed with this one. I think if it was really inside the ZOUK compound, or in MOS, it will be much more better and cooler :D And some day when I become of age, I'd really really like to go to the clubs in Clarke Quay too, because some of them have seriosuly cool themes, such as fashion bar, The Arena and "Yue" etc.

That's all for today. 爱你们这些忠实读者。[抱抱] 和我一起期盼北京奥运的到来吧！

All hyped UP

2008-07-26T14:14:00.005+08:00

I decided to change my blogskin yesterday, was getting a little tired of the old one. Tried more than 10 blogskins before deciding on the current one on its simplicity. In countries with four seasons, autumn's probably on the way already. Autumn is a beautiful season, where leaves turn reddish gold and slowly flutter down into a heap, where trees expose where bare branches piercing the blue sky. Lousy Singapore. I wish I were back in China, with my dear grandparents. The Olympics is coming soon...I hope it will be a great success. I'm sure it will make chinese all around the world proud.

My friends asked me before why I love China so much even though I've started taking the Singapore pledge every morning since primary school, while still being a non Singaporean. My answer is simple: it's inate. China was where I spent most of my childhood(from 0-5 years old). I remember the warm hugs I've received from my grandparents, stepping on a frozen lake with my cousin, pulling along my toy pony when I was a toddler who was still learning how to walk....Even though sometimes I feel that I'm very different from a Chinese that's living in China right now, I think I will still continue loving China, simply because I was born on that land. And even though China is badly polluted, I still feel proud of its current achievements in arts, sports, economics and many other fields.
---x---
Anywayyyy, my samples from Fr3b arrived in the mailbox yesterday! The staff at Fr3b is seriously too efficient, I had requested for samples on wednesday, transferred the money and they had mailed it out on Thurs and it arrived at my doorstep on Fri ^_^

Fr3b is claimed to be the 1st Singapore Online Sampling platform, where they give out free samples of many different products for you to try. Most of the time, you'd need to pay around $0.80-$1.28 for the postage and handling fees for them to mail the samples to you. There are a wide range of samples on the site, with most of them being skincare, cosmestics, hair products etc. After sampling, you can go back to the site to write a review to earn more points in order to get more samples and you can also read other reviews on that product to determine whether you should buy the product on the market or not.

Here are the samples that I had requested: Vichy Anti-Imperfections lotion, Covermark foundation and Clinelle Toner. If you want to sign up at Fr3b, click this way: http://www.fr3b.com/referral_program.php?referrer_token=2d5695be039777870aba491f07c69fa4

I'm going to the ZOUK BEATNIK PARTY with jojo later at night. Omg I'm very excited just thinking about it, my 1st zouk party!! Will post party photos up here on Sunday (:

LIBERALISED!

2008-07-24T17:58:00.003+08:00

Finally, all my tests are overrrrrrrr xD so me and michmich went to slack at the je lib today after school again. Going to the lib with michmich is fun, although we never talk much and just read books (I read magazines) Borrowed back a copy of FamilyCircle, I want to try out the mouth watering breakfast and baking recipes listed. I miss baking and filling the kitchen with delicious aromas :D

Now, let's access the damage that I'd inflicted on the tests ):
Day1: IH, LA, BIO
IH: I might as well kill myself already for this paper. I totally interpreted the question wrongly and wrote about government as in CENTRAL plus LOCAL, instead of central only. So I had actually agreed with the essay statement. STUPID ME. Predicted mark: 16/25
LA: This summary was still quite manageable, if I got most of the points, I'd be contented to get 18/25.
Bio: Ok as well. But I already had around around at least 6 marks deducted, mainly because of that stupid stupid micropropagation question. WTH. Miss Lee didn't even go through micropropation in class, she merely gave us notes for that for enrichment! And LSS happily set a 5mark question on micropropagation, in which I wrote grafting, layering and marcotting as the answer =.= Predicted mark: 51/60

Day2: Chinese Paper 1&2
Paper 1: I spent a freaking 1hr on the yingyongwen and I can gurantee that I have 2 marks deducted for quozi already. Predicted mark: 12/20. Sigh. Then for the zuowen, I had less than 1 hr to write, and I have a lot of words that I don't know how to write as well. My language was just mediocre, I couldn't think of any idioms to use at all and I have a bad feeling that my points were incoherent again =.= Predicted mark: 43/70 (Hopefully I can get higher if not my mum will slaughter me again)
Paper 2: There were some silly questions again with unpredictable answers...I hope I will still do ok. Predicted mark: 85+/110

Day3: Chem
I think I did badly for this paper, there were a lot of mistakes and I did not know what was the answer for "reagents" because Mrs Chew did not mention that word at all throughout her teaching. I drew the repeating monomer wrongly, at least 3-4 questions answered wrongly for MCQ, identified two elements wrongly and also lost maybe another 2-3marks on other random questions )))))): Predicted mark: 48/60 (Hopefully)

Day4 (today): Math, Aus chem quiz, physics
Math: Horrible horrible horrible. I got all kinds of weird ugly numbers as answers and my partial frac question was screwed, just as I'd know it will be. When I was answering and solving the questions I was like: I'm like writing rubbish now please. Sighhh. I just hope to get at least a A2. And that's 42/60. Partial frac qn: 5m, graph qn:5m, 8b 2m=12 marks deducted AT LEAST.
Aus chem quiz was crappy again, I seriously don't know whether they're really really testing chem or just common knowledge or just interpretation&guessting >.<
Physics: Not as hard as I thought, I got one MCQ question and qn on the image wrong. At least 3marks gone, plus the definition questions = atleast 5-7 marks gone. I hope I'll get a better test result as compared to last time...the last time, I had failed ):

Ok that's all in my test report. Check back for part ii of the report when I get my test papers back. I dread it. I'd rather do 3 tests for each subject and not get back any of them at all.

Romance of chocolate and red wine

2008-07-22T18:27:00.010+08:00

(above photo was taken with my 2.0 pixel hp cam, edited using the Lomo effect)
Xiaoyang and Huimin came back from Shanghai and brought back Glico snacks for all Sec4Sop2s (: Mine was the chocolate red wine flavour, Jelly got chocolate, Leny got Mango ^_^ Xiaoyang told me she got that flavour for me cos she thought that I'm more suited towards RED WINE because I'm more sophisticated xD Well, thank you. I personally think that I'm more of a combination of red wine and chocolate rather than just plain sweet chocolate cos I have a more complicated personality. But, if given a choice, I'll choose to EAT the chocolate flavour simply because I like chocolate more.

The packaging box had a very nice phrase on it: 一曲曼妙的味觉华尔兹，当巧克力恋上红酒的香醇，交织的浓情滋味，忘却了时光，融化了心。
The english translation was: When chocolate falls in love with red wine, the sweet flavor melts my heart, and makes me forget the passing of time.
我想，当巧克力爱上红酒的那一刻，应该是即酸涩又甜蜜的吧。不过，百醇已开始吃起来却像樱桃口味，直到最后，才有非常淡的红酒味，令人有一点点的醉意。哈哈。

Snacking on my balcony garden. Photo was edited using the Lomo effect as well! I'm starting to fall in love with photography, when I start working this year, I shall save up to buy a Lomo baby for myself! But the only thing with Lomo cams is that they're not digital D: So that will be quite a chore.

（离北京奥运只剩17天！好期待，好兴奋哦！我希望中国拿到北京奥运的第一块金牌！盼望中国男女体操队今年有更好的成绩！Meanwhile, I shall continue mugging my chem. 2 MORE DAYS TILL I SAY BYEBYE TO BLOCKS AND START DREADING EOYs =.= ）

Night Festival 08 Part I

2008-07-20T18:51:00.010+08:00

I went to the Night Festival at National Museum yesterday to watch an outdoor performance named The Dancing Sky by Studio Festi, a performance troupe from Italy. They were very very very very GOOD. Totally loved the entire length of the performance, the lights, the music, and artistic value were all great. The reason I named this as Part I only was because I am SO going to next weekend's night festival!!! It's the ZOUK BEATNIK PARTY, celebrating hip hop culture on the 26 july. There will be hip hop and graffiti art competitions going on simultaneously, as well as rapping and beatboxing. If you wanna go too, please tell me!

I've uploaded all my photos onto Photobucket and edited them using my super cool (secret) online photo editing tool, so now they look even more beatiful. Enjoy the photos (and one video)! The pictures are in order of appearance throughout the show. But I didn't include the first dance because I didn't manage to get good photos for it ):

NOTE: Please do not steal any of the photos from my blog! I had to stand in the crowds painstakingly to take them, upload them on Photobucket, and then edit then before putting it up here on my blog for everyone to enjoy.

National Museum bathed in pink light before the show

The girl is suspended within the ball

This was one of my favourites. The italian opera music was beautiful. The ship and the dance of the girl was great as well.

I apologise for the poor quality of the video! But isn't the ballet dancing on the floating piano just beautiful? There's an actual pianist playing it as well!

Garden Girls. In gigantic skirts, standing 3m tall.

Dance of the Planets. My favourite! It was simply breathtaking, I love the moon balloon the most.

Water display. It was water spraying out from the nozzle and light shown on it to show the lovely face image (:

The water performance. The second picture show her inside the hemisphere pool. Her moves of graceful and flowed together with the water. Very very beautiful (:

The fire performance, after the water one. It presented the power and light of fire and the dance was very strong, with rthymic beats, combined with the many fire effects. I managed to use my photoediting tool to fade out the mass of heads in the background xD

Me and my friend took a picture with the performer shown here afterwards xD But we didn't manage to take a pic with the italian guy, he's a hottie D:

Pour me another cup

2008-07-15T23:29:00.005+08:00

Nothing is second compared to a cup of lukewarm fresh pure non-sweetened soya bean milk at night! I sleep well when I drink milk. Mom bought this cup for me back from IMM again. Milk has became a part of me every morning since primary school. Maybe that's why I grew so tall....but I still think that it's my genes that made me tall (:

A cup of warm milk makes me feel cared for.

My messy table. It's a big L shaped table but I still find it too small sometimes cos it's covered by my mountainous piles of papers. They're drowning me D: I share the table with my dad, but I use like 3/4 of the table =.=

Mugging like mad for tests next week. Damn. I'm going to die for physics and math all over again. And my chinese? *cold laughter* Sigh. I seriously don't wanna get horrible B3s again T_T

I don't understand what I'm trying to achieve all this while. Simply good academics results? And I don't get why I have to waste my time and tear my hair out doing horrible math when I'm not even going to use it at all in my future life. At least when I learn sciences, I know about the applications and more about how things work in my life. But MATH?!?! Hello, I'm not going to do differentiation/integration at all in my life, nor do I need to use P&C to find the number ways I have to arrange things. Math has no real application in my life at all. Math should die. *muahahhaha*

Lately, I've been trying something new, which is to sleep for around 1h30mins when I reach home early, then sleep at 12am+ at night. I feel that I can concentrate better and also function better too at night. I'm going to heat up my dinner in the microwave now. So disappointing, I have nobody to eat it with.

A day in the life of me #1

2008-07-14T16:32:00.010+08:00

Things in my life on SATURDAY, 12 JUL 08
(Posting pics on blogger is SUCH a chore!)

9:30am

Had this cake for breakfast....It's supposed to be a lemon chocolate cake that me and my mum bought at breadtalk but I seriously could not taste any chocolate, except for the white chocolate deco strips on the top of the cake. Too much cream and butter. The macarons tasted EW. I shall go and buy real nice macarons next time, even though they cost like $1.50 for a single piece -,- Not a very nice cake. We got cheated.

10:15am

Went downstairs hoping to get my f21 items in the mail. I GOT THEM! So happy. The wallet is gorgeous but not very user friendly. Too little space, my notes doesnt fit well and the card space is too little as well ): But it's pretty!!! Shown above: f21 Lindsey Skinny Jean shown with accessories from TOPSHOP and top+scarf from delias. Polyvore didn't list my pretty wallet, so below's a seperate picture.

2:13pm

Ate little miniture sushis for lunch while mugging bio. They even gave a miniature bottle of soy sauce. How cute!

6:47pm

Saw these adorable little monkeys at Bukit Timah Natural Reserve...They're not scared of people at all.

Saw this tree vine at one of paths leading to the summit. So twisted, looks like a 麻花.

That's all in the life of me (:

My Current Obsession: NEIL HASKELL!

2008-07-13T00:01:00.011+08:00

After watching a series of videos from SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE, I have a huge huge huge crush on Neil Haskell now. I think this is like the first time I have such a huge crush on a male idol :D AND HE'S A FABULOUS DANCER.

He's cute, beautiful and handsome and all the good qualities I can think of. I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels so. PLUS, he's got a perfect body. Go here for his portraits: http://s201.photobucket.com/albums/aa144/NeilFans/Think%20In%20Color%20Photography/

I shall stop blabbering/make myself look like an idiot and post some gorgeous pictures of him for you to see!

Here's the comtemporary piece choreographed by Mia Michaels, performed by Lacey and Neil. It's a very very touching and pretty dance, as well as the most talked about one in SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE. Originally wanted to post the youtube video here, but it doesn't fit my blogskin layout so I shall just give you the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHMQ_rD6KJU&feature=related

That video really gave me goosebumps. Mia Michaels ROCK! Neil ROCKS even more! I LOVE YOU NEIL :D

TOP 10 random things that I like to do

2008-07-11T15:35:00.009+08:00

Due to the early dismissal today, I have decided to be random and drool at some of the things that make me happy. I have taken some artworks from the talented people at deviantart and posted some here...Hope nobody minds. If you do, tag and I'll take it down. Please do not steal the artworks for mass distribution purposes/change or edit it in any manner.

#1 - Eating chocolate

I really want to KISS the person who invented SOLID PURE CHOCOLATE BARS, esp dark chocolate. The creamy, bittersweet taste always takes my mind off anything that's troubling me, so I always eat chocolates when I'm feeling troubled. Scientists say chocolates releases endorphins into your body, and that makes you happy. SO EAT MORE CHOCOLATE!

Besides pure chocolate bars, I also like anything else related to chocolate. Eg: chocolate truffle cake, chocolate muffin, chocolate dipped strawberries etc. I also love eating the yummy chocolates with interesting flavours in the center, also know as pralines. I also bug my mom to buy those for me during Chritmas.

Artwork by mus-owocowy.

#2 - Curling up to sleep under a heavy wool blanket in cold temperature

Unfortunately, Singapore doesn't have winter, so I'll just have to make do with the aircon. But when I went to Canada, I felt even safer under that extra thick blanket. It's a very very warm and nice feeling curling up into a ball under the blanket. It makes me feel safe and cared for. You should try it sometime, like that cat shown above. Cats are cute because they can really really sleep anywhere, in funny positions. If I had a bathtube at home, I'll try that too.

Artwork by LoganX78

#3 - Running through fields of flowers

Only in rural villages, then you can see the clear blue skies with pure white fluffy clouds. That is the same principle in any part of the world, I've seen enough to come to that conclusion. I have never been to Europe, however, and I will definitely go there once I gain ability to depend on my own finances to travel. (TOP PLACES I WANNA GO: France(Paris et Bordeaux), Japan, Hawaii, Europe)

I enjoy the experience of running in a place where I'm surrounded by vast stretches of pretty flowers and clear blue skies. It makes me feel like a bird, small yet free. If I do get the chance to go to Europe in the future, it will be my top priority to run through a poppy field.

(I forgot where I took the picture from. I shall find out and update)

#4 - Hugging dogs

Since small, I have always enjoyed playing and interacting with animals more than I enjoy interacting with humans. Especially adult humans - grown ups - who lack so much imagination that I used to think their world was black and white. Dogs bring me a sense of security and warmth, because you'd know that no matter what you do, even if you illtreat them, they'll always be there by your side. That's because you're the world to your doggies, even though your doggies might not be the world to you.

Dogs understand people. When they see you smiling, they're happy and they just want to jump into your arms and lick you all over. When they see you sad, you'll just nudge you with their nose just to let you know they're there. When I grow up, I'm going to have at least one dog no matter what.
I so want to watch the Japanese movie: 10 Promises to your Dog. (与狗狗的十个承诺) Anyone that wanna go with me?

#5 - Singing

Singing is a way of talking things out that you can't normally express.

It makes you feel carefree. Music is the thing that you create from singing. That's why singing (and music) is my life.

#6 - Shopping with friends

No artwork for this either.

Like all girls, I enjoy spending my money on cute and kitschy stuff, pretty f21/topshop clothes and cute shoes and bags. Shopping is fun because it's retail therapy! Shopping with friends is even more fun because it's gossip + retail therapy + trying on weird clothes(like bikinis :O)

hahahahah.

#7 - Doing anything in relation to hip hop

I wanted an image with someone doing breakdance in front of a graffiti wall. No such image. Oh well. You can imagine then.

The music, the dance and the attitude is all something I love hip hop for. It makes you feel alive.

#8 - Baking

Ever since my mom bought a 3-in-1 microwave with grilling and baking functions, I self taught myself baking. Bought the necessary baking equipments, went online to search for recipes and successfully made my first batch of chocolate chip cookies. Then I went and bought a baking book to try baking muffins, other types of cookies and cupcakes.

Baking is a very fun activity, and it's the only food that I can "cook" up for myself. It makes the entire kitchen full of nice chocolatey smell and the piping hot cookies that come out from the oven are always very very good :D

Artwork by C3r0

#9 - Sitting on scary rollercoasters

The rollercoasters shown in the first pic look big, bad, mean and scary. Look at that loop! OMG. But rollercoasters are really really fun, but the only ones I sat so far are the ones in Genting. Sigh.

Rollercoasters allows you to scream as much as you like without getting dirty looks from other people, and also makes you feel like you're flying. It makes your adrenaline surge and is exciting and thrilling, without burning a whole in your pocket.

Artwork by darkstaf and dermot-ie

#10 - Not doing anything at all; just thinking about things/Reading

Thinking about things is a good way to past time, because you can not only reflect on the things you saw but you can also give into your own daydream fantasy world. It's a good habit to think, even if you're thinking rubbish :D

And that's all. Hope you enjoyed all these!

干浆糊（Dried Glue）

2008-07-09T19:36:00.006+08:00

我就是浆糊。我日夜夹在两个不愿意在一起的人之间，不过经过不少的风风雨雨与摩擦，那两个人之间的撤拉让我变得非常疲惫，让我渐渐地失去了粘性。两个人反而越来越疏远，也越来越经常发生争执。有时候，他们提高的声音会让我感到害怕，因为我害怕有一天我实在支撑不住，让他们两个分离。小的时候，抱有无限希望的心灵总是在这种情况下比平时还要更粘，不过在成长过程中才沮丧地发现其实事实不是自己想的那么简单、那么单纯。通过一次次的泪水，我丧失了希望，停止了阻止，我只会坐在他们的之间的某一个角落，假装一脸茫然，不过心里却非常疼痛。有时候甚至会感到麻木。那是多么希望自己能闭上眼睛，然后就静静地消失……

我感觉到自己出生的目的就是要结合这两个人，让他们的关系变得更亲密，没想到发生的一切竟是相反。不过，浆糊如果有一天失去了粘性，那该怎么办？当那天到来的时候，浆糊是不是会躲起来痛哭一场，还是会欢喜呢？毕竟自己现在已经长大，也许就可以欺骗一下自己的良心，告诉自己两者的分离与自己互不相关。毕竟他们曾经对自己说过，他们多年在一起的原因都是为了我一个人。

要是浆糊出了什么事，一天突然干枯了，失去了意志，他们会使互相抱怨呢，还是帮助浆糊重新找回粘性？
我不敢想，也不想去想，只知道自己生活的目标就是要越变越好，让他们两个都开心。
不过，夹在中间的感受实在不好受。

NOTE: To see this post more clearly, smart people should know what to do. Click to enlarge the above picture. Drawn within 25mins, please don't criticize it, you'll make the glue even sadder than it already is.